I don’t know what to do, or what to believe anymore.
My father is a manipulator and a liar. And a damn good one too. I tried to tell the police about his abuse, and he turned the tabled and put me in the psych ward.
He’s done it again and I have nowhere to go, and I don’t know what to do. The police will believe I did it to myself, even though I never did. My school will repot him and I will be beaten even more. My mother is psychotic. literally. Nobody understands and helps like you guys do, and I thank you for that.
I want to die, just to be able to escape this, because there is no way my father could manipulate me if I am dead. I would be dead already if I didn’t have al little brother to worry about. He’s the only reason I am still living this pathetic excuse of a life.
I wanted to run away, but he would find me like before.
I am 17 and I am tired of paying rent for an apartment I hate and don’t even want to live in. I pay more rent than his dumb girlfriend; yet, she rules my life as if she is my parent or guardian. She is another reason I can’t repot anything because she would stand my father and his talents and money before doing anything else. She would never endanger her free house, or disposable bank account. What a hoe.
Overtime i walk through that door, I feel on edge, I feel afraid. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I am not safe and for the first time I am afraid. I want to kill myself before he does.
My father has lied to me my entire life. He turned me away from God, he turned me against my mother and her family. He isolated me from my fiends and support system, and killed me from the inside out. Now I don’t know what to think, feel, or believe anymore. Is anyone even there? or is this all just a toasted fantasy. Am I delusional, Am I crazy? Or am I slowly becoming lucid.
3 comments
Just Buck Up! Don’t deal with trash you don’t have to.
Work-Out until you could show you’re father who’s boss.
I vote for “Lucid”. This is reality, just as you’ve said.
I am going to say this, and I hope it doesn’t get you killed. Do something. It sounds like you are terrified and living with perpetual physical injury and worse. If you are staying for your little brother you will be there well into adulthood. Manipulators play children against each other often, and your brother is his hostage. Some day he may turn your brother into an abuser, maybe even into your abuser. I have seen that happen. Make a plan. Is he volatile enough to hit you in public? Can you work him up to a beating in a public place with cameras? Obviously you are afraid to leave and afraid to stay, but this will not change at all when you are 18. I think you know that. You won’t leave. You will saty and say you are protecting your brother, and maybe he’ll thank you for that someday, or maybe he’ll become his father after watching a few hundred beat-downs. Help yourself, stand on a street corner with pictures of your beaten body held up for passing traffic, with HIS name and address and phone number on it. Send photos of your injuries to his boss and the police and the school. Record a fight, even if audio only. Walk out the door after the next one straight to the neighbors and ask if you can sleep on the couch cause your father beat you badly. Anything but playing his game.
If you don’t do that, I’ll still be here listening and rooting for you. It makes me feel sad and powerless to see you feel sad and powerless. There are ways. Document everything, and with date and time. Or…. kick his fucking ass with a makeshift weapon til his hands and arms are broken in too many places to beat anyone ever. But I never said that last part.