Today was a good day. I feel more insecure because of that. A dear friend who I love dearly called, and I hadn’t heard her voice in months. I was so nervous. We talked philosophy like always, like the day we first spoke(for hours) and became instant friends, maybe friends for life. Now I feel so insecure. I haven’t spoken to her in months….. does she know how crazy I am? She knew when I left the town we met in a few months back. She knew my mind was broken in a million places by madness and self-destruction and hopelessness. She held me really tight when we said goodbye. She must pity me and sit sadly shaking her head. <—– This story cannot be true, because I know her heart better than that. this is the story I tell myself. I am so fucking sick. Why can I not imagine that anyone else would just not judge me and Love me and accept me as I am?
???????
I got a letter back from a fellow herbalist I went to school with today also. Another person I am convinced knows. I had a meltdown before leaving that town, big time. That school group WAS pretty gossiply, though it wasn’t very malicious. They all must know. Poor Foxglove. He’s gone and cracked and we all need to tiptoe and we all knew he was unstable all along….. etc. etc..
I went for a walk with a friend today too. One who gets me. He’s as crazy as me. Crazier, cause he stayed out there longer when his mind went wandering without him. That was ok.
Am I worthwhile? DOES it matter?! If I was certain of that, I think it would really help. 🙁 bleh bleh bleh
and ick.
2 comments
“Today I didn’t even have to use my AK. I gotta say it was a good day.”
The best-known species is the common foxglove, Digitalis purpurea. This biennial plant is often grown as an ornamental plant due to its vivid flowers which range in colour from various purple tints through various shades of light gray, and to purely white.
Have you ever seen a fox wearing gloves, Fox?
🙂 It’s most likely named for the fact that the opening of the flower, viewed from eye level, looks similar to a fox’s pawprint, at least to the creative-minded. Also lethally toxic, increasing contractility(force) of the heart while decreasing cardiac output(volume), resulting in exhaustion of the heart muscle and eventual heart attack.