Where to even start.
i have been battling despression most of my life. It started when i was getting physically and verbally abused by my my step dad, my mum was to afraid to step in, so started to cut and have attempted once. I tried to move away, but it always ended up with me going back home where i would be yelled at. Finally i was old enough to live by myself and have been ever since. For a few years now ive actually been doing okay, but now 2017 has gotten off to a very bad start.
i went to go and vist my faimly for christmas, my mum tries to play happy families with everyone and pretends that what happened between me and my step dad didnt happen, but i will always remember what he did to me, i will never forget.
In a way visting them was good it got me away from work and from my boring life. But when i came back to my home thats when things changed, my workplace is HORRIBLE!! The 4 weeks i was away my whole section turned to shit, and i was once again trying to pick up the peices of everyones crap. I work 5 days a week doing 40 hours and thats all my life is. I work, sleep, then repete.
Some nights i come home crying but nobody to comfort me becuase i live alone. I hide my depression and thoughts of suicide under a cloak of anger. I am an angry person, i hate everyone!! But deep down i just want someone to talk to someone to tell me it’ll be okay. I live my life in such a routine that any change i start to panic. So quitting my job isnt an option.
I have a friend at work that ive known for about 3 years, and in that time we have delevoped a very close relationship, so close that ive fallen in love with her. For years i never told her, until just recently i told her.. but it didnt go down very well. We still are close but its not the same as it was. So im back to being alone in this world. Im not coping very well at the moment, and i feel like any minute ill jump off my balcony and hopefully this pain i have will finally go away.
All my life ive just wanted someone to talk.. Someone who will listen but thats hard to come by these days.
Im just done.
17 comments
Sorry, I know I’m a little late to the action with this comment (I got caught up in the drama on the other post and the music post sent me to youtube for a while…), and I don’t know if you’ll read it since it’s been about 45 minutes since you posted, but if you want to talk, I’m here. So yeah. I’m open to talk about anything… maybe you should work up the bravery to tell that girl how you feel about her.
Thankyou for replying i really appreciate it.
I have told that girl, ever since then everything has taken a turn for the worst 🙁
Oh shit, that sucks, sorry. So she reacted badly, or what? (sorry for taking so long to reply, I was on youtube again :/)
Yeah she has 🙁
She was my person i could talk to. Now everything is all messed up and i havnt got anyone 🙁
Well, define reacting ‘badly’. What EXACTLY did she say and/or do???
There wasnt any chance she would have the same feeings towards me. She lost all trust in me, questioning if I tampered with food that i made for her this morning (poisoning). It made me really upset that she would think that.
So i confronted her told her i was upset, and now shes angry at me. Feels like whatever i do, it isnt good enough.
Oh… man, that sucks. Why would she think you drugged her food?
I dont even have a clue. She told me to leave her alone for a while.
All i did was a nice thing and made her breakfast. Now shes angry 🙁
So fantastic day i had.
Well, what drugs did she think you intended to get into her system? If you’re a guy, which I can’t tell if you are or not, your username is just “jess4” (Jessie can be a male or female name, you could be a lesbian) maybe she thought you were attempting to drug and rape her. But if you are a girl, she may not be interested in women. You’re most likely a guy though. Do you come across as a vindictive person? Maybe she thought you were trying to poison her for rejecting you..?
And sorry, I only skimmed the end of your post because I was distracted by something else. If I had been paying closer attention, I would have seen that you did write about your confession to her.
I am female, i dont even know what i am, i only know that i fell in love with her.
Well, she probably just isn’t into females then. No wonder she overreacted. But she didn’t need to be so offensive about it. I’m sorry you had to go through that. What are you going to do now?
Dont have a single clue.
So, do you still cut? Because I’ve made posts with information trying to help out cutters before… idk if they were useful to anyone, but I did try.
Well now, you appear to have fallen off the face of the earth. Well, if you still want to, I’m here to talk.
I thought all women were part lesbian! It’s what pop culture taught me.
My advice would be to just plow on. Sooner or later she will yield to the bush.
Hey Jess. I don’t use this much but if you want to talk, message me at waitingforalaska @ Gmail . Com