I’m not sure what to do anymore

I’m really trying to stay happy, even with all the things going on, but I just can’t find the will to keep trying. Before my depression was easier to handle. Granted, it left me crying alone on the floor at night sometimes, but I could usually suppress it if I focused on keeping things normal. But nothing is normal anymore. I started getting into a really deep low and I’m sure during that time I was horrible to deal with, but as things were finally at the point of slowly getting better, everything came crashing down. My boyfriend left me and many of my friends did as well. I have nowhere to feel normal. The only person I have left is my friend Josh. He has helped me through a lot of it and understands a lot of what I am trying to handle. And as much as trust him and love him like a brother, I can’t push my problems on him. He is handling enough on his own with depression and family issues. It’s sort of funny to think about, how miserably everything has collapsed in on itself. I remember some time ago, when things first started to get bad with my depression, that Josh told me that he and I were more similar than I think. He said that he worries about me, because he sees the same sadness in me that he sees in himself. I didn’t really understand it then, but I do now. It really frightens me to think about it. I’ve felt depression before, but it was never this bad. I don’t know what to do anymore. None of the things I used to cope work anymore and I know something is wrong, but I don’t know how to admit it. I think that is why I am so scared of writing this, because once it is in writing, it is real. I’m so sorry if all of this is a comprehensible mess, but I’m shaking and don’t know where to turn to. I just want things to be normal again.