the clock says 11:25 p.m., meaning there’s thirty-five minutes left of saturday, twenty-fifth of march 2017. in thirty-five minutes time it will be mother’s day. it’s never a good day for me, since 2013, this is the fourth mother’s day i’ve had with no mum. i miss her every single day but since I was only ten when she passed in 2012 lately i’ve realised she’s slipping from my memory. the last few years have been insanely hectic, and i have grown so much emotionally and physically. im almost fifteen, and it will be five years in june that she passed. sometimes I remember things but she’s fading away from my memory and it feels like losing her again. and it makes me want to die to see her again. i don’t know if i’ll do anything about it tomorrow, but I partly hate so. i need my mum. and with two stepmothers it feels horrible to say, and really ungrateful, but i can’t even sign their cards. i hope neither of them are in the graveyard while i’m there tomorrow because i don’t know what i’ll do. twenty-seven minutes and counting till my grief revisits. i won’t be the same, so let these be my last words from a straight-thinking me.
maybe goodbye?
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Maybe think about writing down everything you remember..
And sometimes there’s little things that can spark some memory you thought you forgot.
I know not everything can just be written down. My mother’s not dead, but I haven’t seen her since I was 9.. I have a handful of memories of her from when I was a kid, but it’s not much. Different situation, I know.
It’s not about being ungrateful.. it’s just the place you’re at. I don’t think they’d hold it against you, and probably be understanding.
I hope the day has some type of solace too, instead of just pain.