Guess I was fooled to think that I had left this place behind me and that my life was actually going in the right direction. It was the longest no-SP streak I’ve had so far, but sadly that’s not encouraging at all given that I am making this post.
It actually feels the exact same way it did when I was last active on here. Hopeless, mostly. A loneliness that seems to be crushing my chest, and a lack of interest in most things that I considered fun a couple of months ago. I’m up more during the night than I am when there is daylight, and I’m basically only feeding off of crappy pasta and frozen pizza. Oh yes, and self-pity.
I hope it’s not going to be this fucking bad for too long. I could totally already use a time out, though I don’t see that happening in the next couple of months. I just love my awesome life.
3 comments
I’m sorry. I’m in a similar place. except i knew i was never going to leave this all behind.
I think it’s that way for a lot of us on here. Things seems to get a little better, then triggers come along and knock you back down again for a time. Cycles are natural. It’s not necessarily the end of the world, though. Maybe the high points will be higher and last longer over time.
Love your username, by the way. Beautiful piano tune.
Just because it rains doesn’t mean that the whole journey is ruined. Falling into Yet Another Black Hole doesn’t mean the good I’ve done before was wasted. Yes, nothing I would like more than to squirt kittens and rainbows out my ass every day, but some days are just shit.
Perspective. Patience.