I deleted 3 of my ex’s voicemails that have been in my phone for a year.
Next step is to delete the text messages. Hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of text messages.
That will be the hardest one.
I’m tired of crying over him. So so so so so tired.
In November, I got a heavy crush on someone else. I was doing well and the thought of my ex made me roll my eyes and I started to get over him. I was starting something up with this new guy and felt like I could be happy again. I started imagining myself with someone else and it felt SO good. Then I don’t know what overcame me, but I texted my ex “Happy Thanksgiving” and we started talking again… a bit. We ended up having sex again. But then… I’m so stupid… realized that he just wanted sex and nothing else. I pour my heart to him in February and he hasn’t contacted me since. What is my problem?!?! Of course, the story is more in depth than that. There is a reason why he hasn’t contacted me. I told him something that he wasn’t aware of and it shut him off from me again.
I’m crazy about him. But the very fact that I felt something for someone else, that I had a real legit crush, that I felt excited tells me that I *can* move on from him and be absolutely okay.
I have depression with or without him, but he certainly makes my depression a million times worse. I just want to die. I feel hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I regret so much texting him on Thanksgiving. What was I thinking?!?
Now I’m in this state. I hate myself for contacting him.
11 comments
Why should “feeling something for someone new” tell you that you’re doing okay? Aren’t you enough? Yeah, crushes are exciting, but I personally would like to reach a state of contentment * on my own * where I know that I don’t * need * someone else to make me happy. If, then, somebody did happen to join me on my journey and I felt psychologically ready for it, I think I might have better results. (Or not.) In the end, find peace within yourself first, instead of depending upon feelings that others might briefly inspire in you.
It just made me feel good that I could have feelings for someone else. I never said that I *have* to have feelings for someone else to validate myself.
I do need to feel content on my own though and that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been doing every single positive thing for myself that I can think of. Exercising, meeting new friends, I’m in therapy, taking my meds, finding ways to be happy. I’m fighting my depression the best I can. I still long for a relationship though… and I don’t think it’s wrong for me to want a partner. Humans are made for it. Our ancestors made us tribal and social creatures.
Yes, it seems to be a programmed “need” for most of us. I just try to be careful not to use anyone and to not lead people on out of loneliness. So if you don’t do that, you’re doing good.
When you feel “healthy” you’ll know you’re more emotionally equipped to start dating again.
I don’t think I’m using anyone.
Here’s the thing. I signed up at PlentyofFish.com and I sought out to start dating again. I met this guy that I had a lot of things in common with – the thing is, there was no spark. I enjoyed talking to him, but I didn’t really feel excited about dating him. I could have used him. I could have dated him out of loneliness, but I told them that I realized that I probably shouldn’t start dating right now. My mind was still on my ex (still is, lol) and I let him down gently. We still text once in a while but he knows that it’s just as friends.
As for the guy that I had a crush on, we were workout buddies and I could tell that he was into me and I was into him as well. But again, I didn’t pursue it because of my emotional state. It just felt good to not think about my ex for once. Even though it didn’t go anywhere, at least I know that I can still feel for someone else.
I may not be all together there mentally, thanks to depression, but I still have all my marbles and know how wrong it is to use anyone for my own gain or loneliness.
Depression or not, you sound pretty straight about things in your head. You hold yourself accountable, you don’t blame-shift, you don’t play the martyr, you’re taking care of yourself. You may not see it yet, but you’re doing amazingly well and are a lot closer to closure than you think.
Glad you shared this. There are people who this might help. Best to you.
Thanks for saying that!
@claritee Looks like you’re on the right track. I’ve done all of that before too (join dating sites, try meeting new people after a breakup), and it had a similar outcome as what you’ve experienced (and my ex at the time and I started talking again), so I now know that sort of thing doesn’t work in helping you “get over someone.”
I think it’s perfectly fine to make new friends in the meantime, as long as the other person is aware of your situation.
When I say I’m meeting new people, I actually mean girl friends. We go out and do things together. We’re mainly workout buddies. And then we go to eat out, or do different things… like go to the spa. I’ve joined a few groups on meetup.com strictly to form platonic friendships. Of course they have no idea of my depression or suicidal ideation. I can hide it pretty well. I am such a mess in my head.
That sounds like a great idea. I wouldn’t mind making some new female friends too.
They say “never get so attached to something that you wouldn’t be able to live without if you lost it”.
I think the Buddhist equivalent is something like “attachment is the source of suffering”.
Another cliché: You can’t move forward until after you’ve dropped the anchor holding you back.
This is all easier said than done, and it’s OK to proceed forward on your own time line. It’s a series of steps you’ll have to take on your own. You’ll figure it out.
My ex was attracted to me in the beginning because he thought that I wasn’t clingy. When he found out I was, he started to drift away.
In my previous relationships I was never like that. There were circumstances and events that happened that made me clingy. It’s just so unfortunate that it turned out the way it did.
Thanks, yes, I will figure this out and there isn’t a set date in which I need to be better.