My girlfriend of almost three years just left me with no explanation, Im just looking over pictures of us together and i cant stand it. I had just gone with my friend to get an engagement ring just five months ago. i made the last payment on it just last week. I was going to ask her to marry me at our favorite cafe, it was where we first met. i had stopped her from suicide after she had lost her father and now im honestly the one whos trying. since that night we had made more memories in a few years than i had made with anyone else in my life. now ive gone from a confident, brave, witty, fun, person to almost looking like a disheveled homeless wreck with just over a week.
Ive been starving myself by eating diet pills to curb my hunger (food just makes me sick anyways) my family’s worried. ive stopped grooming myself at all (im not gonna lie ts not a pretty sight, ive had better days) i cant stop crying so i dont leave the house except for work, and i dont have anyone over. the house is like something off of hoarders. i feel like the longer i live like this the more its just going to depress everyone else. i dont want them to know i did it but i just want someone to know. i dont wanna fade into nothing. drinking helps and hurts at the same time. when i run out i know itll be too much for me to take. this was the fourth breakup ive gone through. and honestly this was the first woman i really though i was going to marry. this was the first one i didnt see coming. i just dont wanna tell anyone cause i dont wantt my family or friends to hate her. i dont blame her.
i just wish i could go back in time, i wish i could do anything in the world to undo this if i even had one more chance i know i could figure out what went wrong and i could fix it. im usually good with that, i can usually fix any problem with people, i just need enough time to see it. I cant see it this time, if i could go back i could figure it out. none of this wouldve had to happen. if i could just go back.
so many things ive lost now. i feel like ill never find anyone else like her. i feel like i can never go out and be the old me again. im broken now and im just a burden on everyone like this. im a disgusting mess whos no longer any help to anyone.i dont need to be around, I dont want to be around, I dont even know why im writing this. I just want someone to remember me. i just had to tell someone. none of my family will know but i had to let it out to someone.
i lost the greatest part of my life and now i feel like my life should be over. i just cant keep going on for nothing.
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16 comments
Don’t kill yourself over a woman. There are plenty of fish in the sea
Yeah, but no “fish” is the same. You WON’T ever find anyone who’s like your lost loves again, though in the future you could possibly find someone else you’ll like and care for in a different way.
It’s normal to feel brokenhearted for now, although I hope you’ll get over her with time, OP (without killing yourself).
thanks i know john had good intentions but when youve just been left by someone you where about to marry you really dont wanna think that way. she wasnt just some woman or another fish in the sea. she was my everything. I wanted to be everything and push myself to constantly be better in her eyes. now that shes gone i just dont have any drive to do anything.
i think im ok now…
I’m sorry. That a tough break, to think you’ve found what makes you happy only for it to disappear.
Speaking from the homeless-looking, disheveled wreck side of things though:
1. Probably best to keep eating, even if you don’t feel like it. Starving your body of what it needs only makes it harder to cope with things.
2. Maybe tell your family and friends, so they can support you. You don’t have to make your ex out to be the bad guy. But letting it out to someone who cares might really help. Sobbing into the shoulder of somebody who loves you is underrated.
3. You can usually get by on the basics of grooming. Wash occasionally, brush your teeth once a day, and use a lot of deodorant. Mostly no one will notice.
4. Drink in moderation (e.g. not before work, or so much at night you’re still drunk the next morning.)
5. Don’t blame yourself. There’s no way of knowing whether there was something you could’ve done to change it. Sometimes people/situations can’t be fixed.
Hang in there, and maybe with some healing you’ll become that brave, confident, witty, fun person again.
i think im ok now… thanks husk
Sorry that you hurting and that this happened. You may think what you’re feeling right now is entirely unique and nobody else could possibly understand, but I and millions of others can understand. Of course no two situations are exactly alike, but for the most part you are not alone in knowing what heartbreak like this feels like.
I know it won’t feel this way right now, but ultimately it couldn’t have happened at any better time. You already had a ring ready to go, you were planning to ask her, but if this was going to fall apart at some point, better not to lose a fiance or a wife. Better to just lose a girlfriend. You’d only feel more betrayed and confused if she accepted your ring and then this happened afterwards. Whenever someone shows their true colors and decides to exit your life, you just have to try to look at it as a favor. They didn’t lie, they didn’t stay with you and waste your time, they’ve set you free to find something better.
The fact that you can’t even identify what the problem could have been means she probably didn’t communicate it to you. Lots of people are like that, they think relationships are about mind-reading, they shouldn’t have to tell you about what’s wrong or why they are disappointed until it’s too late and they just feel like leaving. Couples who manage to stay together don’t do so because nothing ever goes wrong, they stay together because when problems come up they treat each other like teammates and communicate clearly.
There may have been no direct cause. There might not be one single day or moment that she could tell you about that you could have done different. People do fall out of love. Not all relationships get to last forever. And that obsession about what you could have done different probably wouldn’t matter anyway. Even if you had a time machine and could go adjust a few things that happened in the past, it would just be a butterfly-effect where problems would end up popping up elsewhere. Because again, a successful relationship is not about the total elimination of any conflicts or problems, it’s just about getting through it together.
I’ve been there before. Very similar circumstances to some of the details that you mentioned. Gone through three or four breakups already, meeting somebody else, thinking the stars were aligning and it all made sense, I must have lost those previous relationships because I was meant to be with this person instead. Looking at rings together and discussing the future. And then they leave too.
It is survivable. In 2012 I felt as bad as you. In 2012 I had a belt around my neck. I didn’t believe I would ever stop feeling the incredible pain of waking up day after day without this person who seemed perfect for me. I’m still here. I’m okay. I can think about her and smile about a good memory and not get too upset anymore. Sometimes there are still dreams about her, and that will cause me a depressing morning as I try to shake it out of my head, but for the most part, life continues on, and I’d rather find somebody who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
You’re on the worst part of the roller coaster right now. Don’t make any judgments about the rest of your life while you’re feeling this extreme pain. You cannot think clearly. You have no idea what good things might be waiting in your future. A year or two from now you could be in a situation where you’ll be so glad that this all happened. Whoever you’re meant to be with is still out there, and you’d be leaving them behind if you leave because of this.
I handle breakups worse than anyone on the planet, and even I’m telling you that it does eventually get better.
Read about No Contact and how to get through the grief process. Lean on family and friends, post on sites like this if you need to.
I don’t believe there’s “one” person you’re “meant” to be with. Some people are lucky enough to make it work with a p.artner they stay with for decades and even until they die, but many folks don’t get to experience that. Relationships are always a gamble, and so it’s better to enjoy them while they last without making any big plans for the far-off future. If you have children with them it could be different, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll “love” each other for life.
I think of romantic relationships as just another part of your life’s journey. People will come into your life, and they’ll leave. It’s inevitable.
The only one person who will always be in your life until you die is YOU, so it’s best to be true to yourself and take care of yourself, even when others don’t seem to care about you.
thank you specter.
i guess youre right it wouldve happened eventually. i just feel like maybe i couldve avoided it for just a little while longer. even just a few more days with her. not even anything big just a few days lounging around the house with her and the cat. just watching movies and laughing at stupid shit.
i think im ok now…
My heart goes out to you. It’s a kick in the teeth to be going through. All I can say is the one word I know works for my pain: Breath.
thanks man.
i think im ok now…
PS im sorry to everyone who was trying to help me and who was being so nice.
i know you all asked me not to do it but i tried anyways. i couldnt take it anymore.
i drank about2 1/2 bottles of cold medicine (nyquil) and my brother caught me.
he made me throw it up saying.
“either youre gonna stick YOUR finger down your THROAT or im gonna jam MINE in there!” it didnt help that he had just scratched his ass with it . i chose to make myself throw up. still felt woozy the next day. i still cant eat (everything tastes like copper now,)
my brother’s a bit of a jackass, but hes a good guy. and it made me realize just how many times hes looked out for me. he sacrificed alot and gave up alot of good things in life all because i was a fuckup when we were younger. then when i got older and started becoming more confident i kind of took him for granted. the least i could do now is try and make him proud ya know?
so if anyone still wants to comment then thats awesome. if not thats fine too.
im sorry for still trying after all the support you guys gave me,.
just letting you all know that even though itll take me a while to get back where i was, i think for now ill be ok.
Just wanted to update on this im actually doing better. im still sad but ive cleaned myself up, ive started going out of the house even just to get out and walk its at least a start, ive started to have friends over and i havent needed to drink that much.
im actually having some friends over for a d&d party (ive never played before but it looks funso why not i got nothing to lose.)
im not the confident witty charming person i used to be but at least some of its starting to come back. i just gotta tense up and force myself to try a little more each day. leave the house a little longer. drink a little less. dress a little nicer.
im trying. and i think im getting better.
That’s good to hear. Well done for taking it one day at a time.