Many of us might suffer depression, but quite a few people here on SP seem to have a partner in real life to give comfort. I really really envy you…. I really wished I had a boyfriend… just someone to hold me while I could hold him too. I haven’t hugged nor kissed a person for almost 9 years…. And I’m craving for love on the inside. But in real life, I’m either too shy to approach someone or I seem to be socially awkward so no one really wants to get to know a fucked-up person like me. I really get jealous seeing couples… and it makes me feel bad about myself constantly so that I don’t want to leave my appartment anymore. It’s just too painful seeing others having a normal life, enjoying their life, engaging in romantic relationships. I just can’t stand hearing my co-workers (mostly female nurses) telling about their boyfriends, relationships and how they spent their free week-ends with their loved-ones, travelling, visiting nice places or just staying home together, cooking and watching movies, all snuggled against each other. Oh well, maybe I wasn’t meant for a happy life or a relationship….. but it still hurts so much… being all alone.
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I can empathize with everything you said. It really is painful to see others smiling, being together, being happy… It almost makes me bitter and hateful. I do long for another’s touch but the feeling of being fundamentally flawed is overwhelming. Things sometimes really don’t get better… at least in my situation. I can’t wait to leave this worthless world and my corpse behind.
-Immurement
People nowadays don’t want someone kind and shy, they always want a person with a huge ego, with a “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” attitude who makes them believe how great and independent one is. It just doesn’t pay off being a good person, which is so sad…. and that’s why I always feel so depressed… I just lost faith in humanity and I just don’t see anything good in this world or life in general….so life seems quite pointless, at least for me it does…. Can anyone relate?
Well they are somewhat rare to find but there are others who share a similar outlook as you. This site is a good place to find like minded people.
For me, I’m just lost to apathy. I gave up on finding someone a very long time ago. Too much expectations in a relationship, like: Do we go on dates enough, do we have sex often enough, do we spend the right amount of time together, do we [insert x here] enough… It’s just fucking exhausting how society has made relationships out to be. Yawn.
I’m just pleasantly waiting to die. Unless some miraculous force saves me from my impending death.
Anyways I wish you all the best.
-Immurement
Yes. I sometimes feel physical pain when I listen to people discussing their relationship issues. It’s as though there is an Official Checklist of Relationship Satisfaction Criteria that MUST be met in order for partner X to officially become The One. “If this, then that, but only if this, this and this, unless that and that and this, but never this and that unless that and this and this and these, and never on Sundays.” Dear lord! I’d rather have my fingernails pulled out than keep track of all the damn details.
It’s easy for us to see the negative in any situation given that we’re only human. In a case like this, let’s focus on what you DO have. If you want to take time off and go somewhere, no need to consult with anybody. If you want something particular for dinner, it’s yours. The tv plays your channel, and the radio your station. You tend to your own needs and don’t need to consider someone else’s because you’re only responsible for yourself. You only have one mess to clean up. What you DO have is your freedom. I know it’s not easy to see people with what you want especially when life is so difficult. But count your blessings because sometimes it’s hard to believe but there are people out there who have it even worse than you. Best of luck.
My heart goes out to you. I have known this pain of needing to touch be touched by the opposite sex in a romantic manner but not knowing any one to do that with. Nine years is long time to not have something like this that you need. I can relate in that this was me for about a year and then again for closer to two years. Yes, miserable.
I am male with an average ego. We average ego types do have a challenge. I did overcome this issue in a behavioral sort of way. It did work. I will share and share if requested.
Hello, Its the first time i ever write in this website, been reading it for a good while today. Its not a new place for me, have been lurking it once in a while for years. Im in the same boat that you are but in my case is a much longer waaaaaaaaay. In my case it has been 19 years. Im just 38, so half my life. I just gave up a long time ago. In my experience it is not worth, little reward for so much trouble. I learned long time ago that if you cant handle emotions it is better just not have them, yeah, cutting your wings off, that is exactly how it is. Sad i know, but its just another way to cope with it. Each experience removes a little bit of your soul until you are almost gone. I have no idea what your age is. I see many youngsters in this site that got it totally wrong so ill share my experiences later on in a real “wall post”. These youngsters can learn from the experiences of the older and maybe, only maybe, help them to avoid comitting the same mistakes. I know that at this point im a lost cause but i see many here that are actually fine but just not understand what is going on. Realizing it and understanding 20 years later what was going on just leaves you like “If i knew these things back then”.. but the wheel of life never stops and sometimes is just too late and energy is gone. Still i see many in this site whose still hold a chance. My guess is that you are an American, feel pity for you since you live in a very heartless society where everyone goes in their own. Sad part is that the style of “living” is spreading all over the civilized world, turning it into a big shithole. This is not anti american shit, its just a fact. Anyway, what i wanted to tell you is that having a partner doesnt help if you are in this situation. In reality it just makes it worse. You rather sink that person in your very own hole and make that person miserable (with all the guilt and regret involved), or if the person is like you, you destroy each other slowly in a spiral of suffering and doom. We have a saying overhere that translates to english like “better alone than in bad company”. And when you are in this state, im afraid no company is good at all. Remember something, we arent flawed. Its the others who are flawed. We are just too smart for our own good. We think, we understand, we realize things others wont realize until they are about to die, the problem is that we realize these things too early (for diferent reasons). Ignorants dont think, they dont have these urges, they dont use logic, they dont see the world as it really it is. Your only flaw was that you werent born a sheep. We enclose ourselves in a shell that is imposible to break at some point, we dont do this in a egoistic way but more like a way to not hurt others as they have hurt us before and so on. The dog that pursuits its tail. I cant really tell you encouraging words coz, first, it is kinda pointless, and second, im just a stranger. The only thing i can tell you is that you arent alone. We are legion. I was lucky to be a child when the internet wasnt a thing, this just have made society much worse, the only therapy i had back then was music, music i heard and knew people somewhere else felt this way too. I have a little present for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4tjw9R_V-Y I hope you enjoy it and realize you arent a freak, the freaks are them.
I understand. However, just as there are many happy people out there in relationships there are also many people alone. You only hear the happy ones in relationships because they broadcast it to the world. The lonely people keep quit. I think our culture also has a role in keeping people isolated. Don’t overlook the gym as a place to meet people. Oh, and the exercise will also make you feel better physically and mentally. I hope this helps!!
I know this is not the way to do this but i cant find a mail to send this info. Just informing you that everyone can actually see each other’s email accounts from the dashboard when you hover your mouse over the “subscription” field in there. Im not sure if this is intented but its a very big security flaw in my book. Just informing as it is my first time posting here and im not sure if this intended or the website staff is aware of this big security flaw. In this way, any people wanting to harrass can just create an account and automatically can get the email of every of your uses and then and use those for harrassing or whatever, maybe even blackmail. I post it in the hope an admin reads this and is aware, then just moderate this post and erase it. Thank you very much.
You have to put yourself out there and risk rejection. A close relative of mine told me stories of how she embarrassed herself a few times in public by trying to pick up guys, but she didn’t give up, eventually she found someone she liked who was very attractive and he now earns a high income, they’re married with kids.
When I was younger I desired the family life. As I got older I then realized how much of a trap it can be for some people. While I am lonely at times, it’s pretty rare, I’m too busy getting my life in order. Also I want to have my fun (sex) but don’t want to get tied down with anyone, I really like my independence and I don’t want to live with someone and realize later that they’re not as great as I once thought.
Don’t look onto others with envy, in most cases it’s just a facade, very few people are genuinely happy, most put on an act. Like some others noted above, many are in miserable relationships. Take this time to work on yourself-if you’re not fit, hit the gym (something I need to do also). If you’re broke, might want to find work. Everything you bring to the table enhances your position. This works for both men and women but I think there’s more pressure on guys to be successful.
And you’re not alone, in the sense that many of us are in the same position as you. It’s true that you find someone when you’re not looking-the key is to get out there, go shopping, bookstore, park, gym, clubs, etc. Also shoot for someone at your level, that way you’re more likely to succeed.
Also like the story I mentioned-you need to get out of your shell sometimes. I too used to be very introverted (at times, not always) but I learned to be more outgoing and risk-taking. Sometimes you may make a fool out of yourself but other times you’ll get lucky and find a guy who’s drawn to you. With millions of people in our cities, you’re bound to find someone you click with.
I’m not the best looking guy imo though I’ve been told I’m cute/gdlkg, but I’ve been able to date very attractive girls and I think I bring a lot to the table without knowing it, like a good education, warm charming personality, confidence, high ambition-so these are things girls are drawn to usually. Though most of the time I walk around not feeling great about myself or my life-other people don’t necessarily see you the way you see yourself. So who knows what you offer without even knowing it-so just get out there and meet guys, you might find someone great.