I remember when I really used to care about how other people felt when I was with them… either as a relationship or just a friendship. I really used to give so much of a fuck about every little detail, and show far too much empathy towards them. I guess I’m becoming calloused, because nowadays. I do not give a single fuck about who enters my life, or leaves it. I’m free. My own entity. I’ve transcended beyond love and companionship. I know it may sound selfish but if It’s not convenient for me to do it, I will not do it. Ever. I do not care about the consequences. I live my life the way I want to. I’ve wasted FAR too much brainspace over the years about this fickle bullshit of trying to appease everyone I meet. Well, no more. I’m done. I do not give a fuck about anyone in this worthless world except myself. And I’m proud. It’s just a shame that I never realized this sooner. NOBODY will have your back except yourself so stop expecting shit from other people. This life a fucking game, play it however you choose and never let back. Indulge and enjoy yourself. Make money. Be superficial because who gives a fuck. If you don’t enjoy life the way you want to, then you’re a fucking douchebag.
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Whoever fucked you over has WON because they have shaped your true-self into a false ( superficial ) one. You’re now like the heartless, uncaring bastards you once ( still do ) despise{d) …Why become like them. There are good hearted people out there, no question of that !
Emotional poverty is a temporary fix…i’ve seen this close up and personal…it carries grave consequences further down the line. Dance with the devil and you’ll inevitably get pricked by his horns. Theres no such thing as a happy, contented non-empath !
I kept searching for compassion and ‘real’ love and it really is worth the wait.
Please, Immurement…don’t let the sub-human scumbags win, you’re better than thay because you have a heart. Do not desensitize it.
@immurement. Wow, you just seriously called me a douchbag. Classic. Absolutely no hard feelings. It’s a balance, really, that boundary between self and other. Other-focus was my (natural? learned?) proclivity as well, and yes, I got burnt as well: from others and from myself. I think you were at one extreme of the pendulum and have swung to the other extreme. It really is a balance between caring for self and other, no question. I suspect this “transcendence” you’ve attained being now beyond love and companionship may be more reactionary and self-preserving and not an actual reflection of an actual attitude of uncaring, and it’s certainly okay visiting this place, but I’d hate to see you make it your home. You’d be losing the highest human calling. Just because other people suck doesn’t mean you have to join the mire.
Glad you posted this. It helps me understand my own journey. BTW: why “douchebag” and not “used condom”? I find it rather misogynistic. 😉
Do you actually care about yourself though?
I agree. It is better to choose one side and fulfill it completely – self or others. To be in the middle is problematic. As Jesus said, you can’t serve two masters.