i have tried to suffocate myself with pillows for years now, but today i actually passed out, though i didn’t get to the ultimate goal.
it felt so strange… so terrifying, and yet so peaceful.
i got paralyzed in fear, but ectasic at the thought of finally ending all the suffering.
i feel broken, like my mind imploded and became a bunch of melted fuses.
does everyone feel so strange after trying to kill themselves?
3 comments
entirely. I tried to kill myself and after I felt like I was floating, distantly.
I felt strangely charged, yet distant. Then I drifted away. . .
I felt disbelief at first and a flood of disappointment, and although I knew I’d already lost, I demanded to see my (hospital appointed) advocate because I had every intention of declining treatment.
That’s what I felt immediately after waking from my coma: the horror/disbelief/disappointment/powerlessness. Not so sure I don’t still feel that way.
Good times.
Like a bunch of melted fuses – that is awesome wording.