Lying and pretending

I feel like I was literally there yesterday, and finally called the crisis line to say pretty much that and they said “what would happen if you stopped pretending?” I said I didn’t know, so I told my partner, who had the reaction of pretty much “that sucks”… I’m not going to say I feel better stopping pretending, I’m just less tired. I stopped watching TV for about 12 hours and just stared at the wall thinking about death. Then I made myself some coffee so I didn’t have to eat.

My point is I don’t think pretending is helping anyone. I’m not saying don’t look forward to ending it. I’m saying that if you weren’t spending energy pretending it would lessen the pain and give you time. You might be surprised by how people in your life react when you are honest with them. Even if you can’t, I hope you find someone you can talk to.