Can’t happen

So the walls that I build from the depression are not high. But, tall enough to shield me from it’s grasp. That I could get out of bed I can of some out look on life.

But  week before the last was hard and I was venting to a friend. This last week was hard but enjoyable .

But as I am enjoying my Tuesday evening waiting for my home made pot pie to cook. My mother comes home and tells me that she heard from my friend that I wanted to kill myself and I’m  depressed.

And you know what at that moment I didn’t want to die . I was kinda happy and giddy almost .

Then it went to fucking shit.

My mom goes on to tell me how I can’t trust anyone and how all the people my friend told are out to get Me.

And it took my mother one year to kill those words those words .

So I realized my friend was really just trying to help. But still I told her that in confidence and I was just having a bad day.

So I thought my mom would care about the fact I am not mentally stable. But instead she cared more what people would say .and it took her a year till kill what my ex’s was saying .

I have no one I can talk to….and when I feel like I made a mistake is one of the man reasons why I hurt myself . but no ducks were given .

I just have to pretend like everything is okay again.

What really is upsetting me is that I been talking to someone and I been afraid to like them or show then any emotions and what will happen when he sees my scars. Or if I ever tell him what really happen with my ex’s .

.I don’t I have nobody .