No, unfortunately this isn’t my way of saying goodbye before I splatter the back of my cranium all over the backyard because I’m a little dick coward who’s too weak to go through with it. I just wanted all of you other fellow users on here to know that I hope you get over whatever hurdles that are lying in your way, that someday you’ll find happiness and move on from the depression. I think it’s important to know that someone is on your side, routing for you; even if it happens to be a hamster dick nobody you’ve never met like myself. I would help you all if I could, but I have no positive attributes to offer another human being. I’m wishing you all the best.
Cheers from yours truly,
This ugly, pale, alcoholic slob
21 comments
Thanks. Wishing you the best as well. You have a way with words, please, UglyHamsterDickAlcoholic, remember to shower some of the kindness and well wishes upon yourself, too. Okay?
Thanks, and likewise. Not sure about finding happiness, but will definitely be moving on one day.
Thank you, that’s a nice post and as has been said already, please try to apply some of those kind thoughts to yourself as well.
Wow-Hours of reading (many) and writing (few) posts (first at PsychCentral) TONIGHT.And yours, was the only one that made me realize why I’ve been hanging onto life (by a thread) for so long. 2 years now I’ve been wanting to be dead (from, due to a traumatic life situations, not due to “clinical” depression). And why does your post make me want to stay alive a little longer? And feel some hope…It’s because you CARE about others, (sadly maybe even more than yourself), and knowing people that kind still exist in thus world makes it seem like a pleasant place to be. THANK YOU! And btw, although u may have problems or made mistakes (alcoholics are very offensive to me), being or talking with someone like you right now (a kind + caring stranger) is such an endearing quality, far too rare in this world, I hope you get your act together, because the world couldn’t bear to lose someone like you. Thanks again, for reminding me that unlike the people I know and meet (mean, selfish + or harmful people) there’s still some left like you who are kind and care; about others. Thanks
Summary: Your “positive attributes” far exceed the hundred+ people/posts I’ve read tonight. World + strangers like me need UR kindness/concern, so please stop insulting yourself + or get your life together, soon.
Hey man, thanks. That means a lot, hopefully you encounter some kindness in real life.
Thanks, I don’t expect people to be kind or decent anymore, and when they R it’s always a big positive highlight of my day- Simple kind things that strangers sometimes do, like saying good morning or holding a door open, almost anything, kind or nice, they didn’t have to do, but did, stays in my (positive) thoughts for much longer, then they could possibly imagine. It’s like their 1 nice gesture wipes out the next 5 obnoxious/rude things the next 5 people do. All relative to the degree of kindness or meanness. Some things mean people have done to me, I’ll never be able to resolve=It’s changed me in a bad way, permanently. Doubt my inner spirit will ever be whole again (peaceful+joyful+safe). And not that those mean/corrupt people care (what happens to me or others), maybe just 1 will read this+ think twice before they do or say something cruel/abusive/mean/damaging to somebody else. Just last week a minor thing happened in store parking lot, stranger said something (inappropriate+surprising) + cursed at me, and I still can’t get it out of my mind. I now understand why people walk wuth their heads down, trying to avoid any direct contact with anyone- I’m becoming one of those types- My nature WAS outgoing, adventurous,friendly, and happy, now I avoid human contact as much as I can. (I’m intolerant of the many a-holes in this world. Ignoring or laughing at their ridiculousness (like that guy at Shoprite last week) has become almost impossible, for me. Yes, I too hope I have the good luck of meeting more decent people soon (strangers or friends, to balance out the bad ones, I allowed to damage+scar me…
Cheers mate, and best wishes to you also.
Thank you for this, you’ve given me at least a little hope to hang on to. Wish you the best as well
Dear “29”, Jusy thinking about you, and hoping you’re feeling less miserable. Either way stop by and say hi. Take care.
Hey thanks for stopping by, yeah things are pretty much the same, at least they haven’t gotten WORSE yknow? Shop rite huh? You’re a northeast guy then I suppose, I used to go there when I lived in Pennsylvania myself. If you don’t mind me asking, what was said? You don’t have to explain if you don’t want. I too have had people try to intimidate me or act rude for no reason, I’m pretty sure we all have
Hi, so glad u stopped back. The shoprite story is really dumb (not important), I’ll explain it later…Just 1 example of how no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that this world can be a joyful/peaceful/safe place to be, and work really hard at getting over traumas actual people close to us caused, a perfect (a-hole) stranger can knock our rising spirit back down into the depths of hell, for no valid reason whatsoever. And yes, I known I must build-up my armor so the (too many) nasty jerks of this world don’t effect me…But it’s really hard sometimes, especially when ur hanging by a thread, alone, are truly want nothing more than to escape from the battlefield called earth or life. Honestly it’s people like you, that keeps me going + renews my faith/hope that not everybody is a selfish enemy looking for their next easy prey.
Sadly those who are compassionate and care/respect others, tend to be the #1 prey for the evil people.
I read something recently that said something like, “Just make sure your armor has a crack to let the love (in or out…don’t remember). I’ll come back if I find it (I’m terrible at repeating quotes, jokes or gossip) lol.
Thanks for sending us all a little sunshine with your post, It’s been awfully dark in here and I’m relieved to know a little light can still get in.
So…I see you haven’t made any posts in particular on this website. What is it that brought you here? Is it because you don’t feel like life is worth living when the world is such a rotten place?
Yes, Since 051515 I hope and pray every day, and want nothing more than, to leave this earth. Why? It’s complicated. (Multiple traumas overy years= Being beat up by life… I’ve become a great actress + FORCE myself to do things that might actively reclaim my “Spirit” (=feelings of Joy+Peace required to be alive),
but at this point, it’s pretty safe to say my spirit FINALLY died on that day, and will never return.
I am not “clinically” depressed- I actually become much happier than I should whenever something unexpectedly good happens-
But as for Joy/Peace, that inner excitement you can’t explain, that we all were born with—>That keeps us alive–> It’s gone…DEAD…
And now I’m just a hollow body pretending to be alive.
Please read my next post.
btw, It is great to hear back from you. And as others here agree, despite any poor choices you’ve made in life (E.G. Excessive drinking), you have that 1 special quality that too many here on earth lack=COMPASSION + Empathy.
Just like I died on 05/15/15, since then I’ve gained much insight on reality, and 1 (of my many) recent epiphanies is: We live in a DECADENT SOCIETY.
If we had more people like you in this world it would still be a Compassionate + Civilized Society, and life would not brutally beat up, so many people, so often.
(Note I’m not entering a “political” discussion), it’s more about character and morals, “The Golden Rule”, and having genuine concern for the well-being of others, that share space here on earth, with you, etc.
The following article’s posts clearly explains why decadence (society) is winning.
And another recent revelation is whenever anybody blames a President of the USA for their life problems, Obama, Trump or any politician, it usually confirms they are internally decadent, and need to ease their guilty conscience by placing all blame on just 1, instead of themselves or all the people that contribute (or not) to their communities and society as a whole
Link to discussion called, “Can a decadent society survive for long?”
Society may survive, but I don’t want to anymore:( : http://www.politicsforum.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=141920
You have no positive attributes yet to root and try to make us feel better? That’s a lot of positive attributes I see here pal.
(Continued) Before I switch topics back to, why You and I, are in the minority now, who care about strangers/others’ well being, and how much I appreciate witnessing these Special People, because it reminds me that maybe life really is a good place to be and worth living,
I want to add 2 points:
1. I firmly believe that those who die by suicide, do so, solely because their spirit (Joy+Peace) has died, and they know in their heart that they can no longer function here on earth.
They (feel/believe) they simply do not belong here anymore, because living requires your life spirit to exist, to remain alive.
Suicide attempts is a really clear indicator that a person’s life spirit is very threatened, deteriorating, and disappearing (in need of urgent care to nourish and heal, to assure it remains),
but those who actually died by suicide (typically on their very first “attempt”, did so, NOT because of their actual life problems (situations or people making them sad, overwhelmed, etc.) but because their life SPIRIT died, and they knew their body must (leave this earth) too.
2. Obviously my personal causes/reasons for wanting and knowing it’s time for my body to die, since my spirit has, is far greater than due to my living in a DECADENT SOCIETY…
but for anybody who doesn’t want to visit the link I included above, here’s one post (by “Suska on 08/15/2012)
from that web page, which explains more about why decadence is rising:
“Is “decadence” simply another word for “people enjoying themselves in ways I disapprove of”?
The way you put it I’m apt to think you believe the only drawback is disapproval.
The root word of Decadence is the same for decay, it is degradation and dishonor.
it is primarily indulgence of bad habits (intoxication and loose talk) and bad social practices (breaking hearts and passing disease),
it entails pushing the boundaries of propriety (challenging taboos and being rude).
In other words it amounts to being careless with one’s society and may include robbery and rape. Dissolute people are more likely to off themselves or go postal or end up impoverished, injured and unhealthy.
Decadence is not giving a fuck about other people – the passing along of that way.
Basically it is the consumption of social capital without being socially supportive,
it is the final form of societies because it cannot possibly last.”
(Visit site for more enlightening posts or Google keyword “Decadent Society”).
IMO,
The fact that suicide has dramatically risen during past few decades, in addition to other immoral or evil or self destructive acts (crime, terrorism, addictions, selfishness, narcissism, etc.), only reinforces the imbalance we all experience while navigating life due to a failing (decadent) society.
Even those with vast personal connections feel alone= Nobody cares about my well-being therefore my life is worthless.
Having a loving + perfect little family/social connections (and some good luck) can nurture/heal your spirit to avoid death/destruction.
But if your spirit (feeling joy and peace) is non-existent, 1 day, typically in an instant, like a flash of lightning, you will realize/accept your spirit (joy and peace for life) IS GONE=DEAD…
—> Then suicide become the only logical conclusion (?solution), even if you previously believed life + death decisions should be the sole responsibility/decision of God. (And/or those other suppressants (E.G. love to/from and/or responsibilities for family/friends/children),
that stop somebody from committing suicide,
despite their wholeheartedly having a deep desire and yearning to be dead.
I don’t have any of those nurturers of my spirit anymore, I try to do things that used to make me feel joy and peace (being near oceans, eating chocolate, listening to christian music, prissing up my appearance, speaking to others, being productive with my business, and on and on etc.
but neither exists anymore (joy or peace), so I just try to pretend it’s still there, any might some day return. (Would need a miracle, possible but unlikely).
MY advice to EVERYBODY is, if your spirit still exists, no matter how small it may be, nurture it, and do everything you can to heal it, force yourself to experience things that make you love life and feel safe living, while you still can,
because if you don’t 1 day it might be completely gone, and then life here on earth, feels more like a living nightmare, than a blessing. TTYL.
Please add word (ideation=thoughts) on line 10, “suicide IDEATION and/or attempts “…is a really clear indicator that a person’s life spirit is very threatened…
Guess I’m all alone here tonight? Wish I wouldn’t be,
Because most times when I’m here I feel a little life knocking on my door,
saying “give me 1 more try”, a day, a week, a month, and who knows what might happen?
But then I wake up when I’m back alone, and reality sets in, and I know
my door was permanently locked shut a long time ago (life is gone),
and it’s time for my body to go too.
And I prayer that it’s really soon,
because I just can’t wait, any more.
I’ve been stuck in not living, but not dying, for far too long,
and it’s time for me to stop clinging to a lifeline that just simply isn’t there,
and embrace the peace & rest I’ll finally have…
It’s pathetic and infuriating that I have not yet let go.
I know a deserve to live a really good life, but those closest to me made sure that could never happen, so it’s time for me to just accept defeat, and move-on.
So sorry, because NObody, should ever “have to die” prematurely, but I do.
And please just don’t ever let this happen to you.
My life wasn’t fair, and I’m sure my death won’t be too –
Didn’t have to happen,
but eventually when living is just a constant battle, you run out of strength,
and you just know, you lack what’s necessary to win the war.
I said enough tonight, but need to add just 1 more thought, that would likely surprise most–>
I’m not even slightly depressed, which I think most people would/should be before considering suicide.
No, my life to me, is just too horrific, every day, and I don’t want to be in this living nightmare anymore, and the only way I can get out of it (trust me I’ve tried), is to die.
No home= No life.
Good Night.
That’s a lot to take in. I sat and read it twice just to make sense of everything and evaluate it. You truly are not alone in feeling like you have no spirit or life left. I don’t know what happened when you said your life ended on May 15 ’15, but regardless anything earth shattering seems to break someone down. I can tell you, although you may not relate when you said you’re “beaten up by life” or something to that extent, yes I feel that a lot. Like nothing ever goes right and when something actually works in my favor, no matter how small or miniscule it may be I’m completely shocked.
Hey:) So sorry I did not respond sooner. I’m about 6 weeks too late + want U to know, I cam back here several times shortly after my last note, BUT my notes were so pathetic, really, really low + hopeless, I just couldn’t post them here. (Might have triggered somebody to sink to my too low (“unreasonable”) hope of dying, asap. Well I did save those notes (I don’t want to read them, now), but if you do, I can email them 2 you?
I’m doing amazingly better, past about 3 weeks: My life situation still sucks really bad (home, $, alone-ness, even my dumb car broke-down last week-lol…etc.), but fortunately, just like when my spirit flew/ran away, in an instant, I’m pretty sure I recovered (?resurrected) my spirit (I feel ALIVE again, and feel capable (again) of loving all kinds of things (from carrot cake to Myself).
I hope/pray you have that type of experience too.
I don’t want this note 2B 2 long, so maybe, if you want/need I’ll explain further, when/how I got my spirit back (kinda amazing because I was certain for >2years that it was DEAD.
4Me, the healing I needed, simply had to do with, just GOD+LOVE.
I’m pretty sure, that life-renewing experience are really different 4 everyone (based on reasons that sunk you that low that death is so inviting). Regardless, and I’m certain IDK alot about alot of things, just need/want 2 say 2U (and any1 else feeling ‘suicidal’, even when it clearly appears, there is absolutely NO HOPE, miracles or unexpected events may still happen,
and even when you don’t want to try anymore (to feel alive again), try to be patient, and while you’re waiting, OPEN your heart to LOVE. TTYL. (My email is my first and middle names +1+yahoo+.com if U or anybody wishes to contact me elsewhere. And, be patient if I don’t respond quickly, my REAL life is still very chaotic (work/business failing+ still homeless+ medical problems without health insurance + a zillion other things) – No response does not mean I don’t care, I really do, and all of you, especially “29andmiserable” are in my thoughts/prayers constantly- I think he got my attention because his post which expressed compassion for us strangers, just beamed with compassion & love (hope) Thanks. gail kathryn
Hi-I came back just 2 check if my new ‘compassionate” friend ’29+miserable,
stopped by?
If he does, + I’m not around 4 long time,
try to reach me, so I know you’re doing ok :). email ok or Text my 2nd back-up phone (just a borrowed temporary #) 6-3-1-5-0-5-8-8-1-9
if I’m not back 4 awhile…
I tend 2 worry about people like U, because the vultures of this world (d)Evil people tend to
choose the most caring/nice people,
as their next prey 2 attack -I’m sure u know what I mean-
I’ve been busy, building up my armor, so I won’t be their primary prey anymore,
Which has been tough-Cause I KNOW,
(God told me), I MUST (HAVE TO!)
still leave an opening (in my armor),
so LOVE can still flow through.
(He thinks that, ‘love’ is the ONLY thing that matters, 2 b alive + ok) And I’m following his instructions, now my #1 priority, because I came too clise 2 dying (scary)…
Wow, I impressed myself with that profound ? spiritual note I just wrote u 2day- lol
I guess that happens sometimes on a peaceful Sunday morning, after a chaotic and exhausting week.
But I’m determined 2 remain calm + focused so this week may be better. (?)
My life still sucks, but I’m just feeling better (very hopeful + even happy, cause I re-focused on what really matters- Sucks it took me almost 2 years of wanting/praying to be dead (wasted time),
To suddenly realize (about a month ago, on the (I think it was on the “last scheduled ‘day to die’ ”
I had 070517, which is day my Father died (back in 1971).
Anyway,
Hope 2 hear from u soon, your BEST well-being + healing is in my thoughts cause U really deserve 2 have a Joyful + Tranquil LIFE.
(Our world these days is scarce on kind + giving special people, and I’m pretty sure U r a rare commidity, we all need 2 feel like we “belong” here on earth.
TTYL
gail kathryn 1 (yahoo)
P.s. I sometimes start sinking back into that dark hole (briefly), so if I do, don’t think my (spirotual awakening + resurrection of my life) is BS, it’s not…
It took me a lifetime to sink that low,
(close to death) and I’m pretty sure it will take me more than just a few weeks
to be totally secure + solid (resistant to hopelessness + unreasonable despair) again…bye.