Lil black hole

I don’t like you. I like the thought of you. The attention you give. The affection you show. That’s what I long for no matter who it’s from. See this void is like fckn black pit. It draws things in. Drugs, alcohol, you. And when it sucks the life outta that, it’s on to something else. Something more thrilling. And I can’t stop it. Even if I wanted to. This leach was created by someone whom I don’t even know can fix it. But it’s my hole. It’s my well. It’s my pain. I try to cover it up. Dress it up. Put make up on it as if its an accessory but really I’m its accessory. It’s got such a hold on me that I’m not even who I say I am anymore. Sometimes I’m me then next I’m a slave to my pain. Like a fckn doctor tryna cure myself with all the wrong meds. And I know it. But it’s the high I do it for. The chase. The boy. The ten seconds when life feels normal. But then it all stops. And all the pain. All hurt. All the shxt I thought I got rid comes back ten times harder.