My case manager listed jobs for people that hate people. Two jobs that interested me was technical writing and being a truck driver. Doubt that I would ever get a job in technical writing, though I done take a class in it and got an A, but that was the easy class like a 200 level. I could be electrician, there are jobs for that. Truck driving was interesting. You get to travel the country and make 40,000 dollars, though it isn’t a job for raising a family for a could be single mom. I always fantasized about traveling the world with a transformer, and this could be the closest thing, though it probably won’t happen. I have already have too many speed tickets, plus my mom never wants me to do anything. I learned to do things behind my parents’ backs because the answer is always no. Don’t know why I feel like I need their approval. Won’t get my hopes up too high for truck driving because I know that if isn’t my parents stopping me, then the school will deny me. Oh well, get to be a lazy shack of shit. Going to file bankruptcy on my credit cards. No point in paying those things off when you’re dropping out of society.
Sometimes, I feel like my mom treats me like a pet. Just wants me to stay in house like the rest of the animals. Besides, anything I do I feel like no one cares, so why do anything? I want to have to have a purpose in life that it drives me crazy, but I never go anywhere. I can’t get this world accept me for who I am. I just in this world for the sake of being here. I’m a book that is read over and over again because there is nothing nobody can do about it.
If I could I would sell my reproductive tract. I doesn’t do anything for me, so maybe I could get some money. I could also sell a kidney, and maybe a lung. Only need one of them to live. It has been estimated that a human life is worth 50,000 dollar, if you sell all your organs. My whole debt can then be paid off, and everybody wins, but no because people want me to be unhappy. Heck, my family could have 10,000 dollars left over, well more because me college debt will be forgiven because I would be dead. So, who wants some healthy adult organs?
My blood pressure got checked today, and it’s average. 120/80. Why is my blood pressure still healthy? Why can’t it be high, so I’ll die sooner. Oh well, I’ll wait until I’m older with being a fatty, there is no doubt that I will get high blood pressure, then I can die sooner. YAY! When I get high blood pressure, I won’t do anything about it.
This section below is going to be inappropriate like it’s about sex.
I think that deep down inside. I have a hard time accepting my sexual urges. Like my interests, it’s all over the place, but not there at the same time, maybe my sexuality is trying to reach out, but I keep suppressing it because I can’t accept it because I have a lack of trust towards people.
Lately, a part of me wants to “cough” cum, but I don’t know how to do it. I feel so uncomfortable. I read once about female hysteria, and how the Greeks thought that female cum builds up inside the female body, oh and they thought that this cum was evil, so it would cause problems for the women, thus female hysteria. Years later like in the 1800s, psychologists would treat female hysteria by helping the women to ejaculate, and this is how vibrators were invented too. This made me think about sex therapy, and receiving a sexual massage. A relaxing environment would be required with candles and music. The guy needs massage experience, and how to handle depression and anxiety. Pressuring me doesn’t work, and will make things worse. I would like the guy to act professional, so no talking about his personal life, or the girls he banged. If I had money, I could pay him, so he’ll act behaved. Well this is just a fantasy, so it won’t happen, and I’m too nervous to truly enjoy sex.
5 comments
Here are some thoughts…might or might not be helpful….
Based on what I’ve seen on the highway, having a history of speeding isn’t too big a barrier to becoming a truck driver.
Becoming an electrician seems like a decent job.
An A is an A, introductory class or no. I’m guessing you’d need to take more classes to get a job as a technical writer, but after making one A you have a good chance at making more.
Maybe start out doing smaller things your parents disapprove of, then move up to bigger things?
Finally…hope this isn’t too personal…but the nice thing about masturbating is that there’s no pressure at all. You can do it at exactly your own pace, you can keep experimenting until you find out just what works for you. So maybe that’s something to keep in mind.
I never really thought about being a triuck driver until you mentioned it 40 k sounds good the only bad part is I don’t think it’s easy driving a truck.And about the sex part have u had sex before maybe the guys before we’re not meant for the job
Wow, just wow. I wanna be a truck driver too, for the exact same reasons, and I thought I was alone in wanting this…i guess the only difference is that I’m too young to have a license, and will be for a LONG time to come…
I’m a 41 year old truck driver. If you want to be very alone this is it. I have no-one, no family, no friends nothing. Sex hasn’t happened in over 15 years. I go weeks without talking to anyone. See i drive at night and sleep during the day. Money is good i make 5k a week but the loneliness is terrible. I constantly think about running my truck into another loaded truck. Most trucks weight around 80,000 lbs so i would be more than dead. It is very dangerous but the way I figure, if i mess up and kill myself who cares they will just find another warm body to put in this truck.
Now, you got me more excited about truck driving! Sorry about the wanting to drive into another truck. You shouldn’t do that because you might hurt the other driver. I want a job with I don’t have to meet people, and have a enough money to have a own place. Thank-you, good sir!