Right now i can only think in 24 hour increments. My brain it seems can only seem to handle what it has to do today… Nothing more…I used to be plan to plan my days weeks in advance almost down to the hour. But right now 24 hours is barely what i can handle. (it funny how everything changes when you feel like this. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to jerk off for the few minutes of joy that would bring me. Sorry if that was to much information i don’t really know who i am right now) Anything past what i have to do today will have me reaching to pull the trigger as a way out.
I don’t want to think about what happens when you leave…i don’t want to think about wanting to sneak off to the bathroom to put another scar on my arm at work tomorrow just to get through the day…i don’t want to think about packing up your DVDs in a box and only having mine on the shelf again…i don’t…want…to…think…
Right now all i can do it 24 hours. I almost coming up to the 24 hour mark… But i will repeat it… Try to make it a little less worse than today… because when you have a bottle in one hand a gun at your head with your finger on the trigger sobbing one has to think that the only way to go it up….right…it doesn’t get much more worse than that… almost the definition of rock bottom some might say…
Thank you for listening
16 comments
You’ve gotta seek some sort of relief from this, and I don’t mean the eternal kind, or just a little less sucky. Even with that, I’m glad you are tackling it, even if it is at 24 hours at a time.
I know I’m thinking of things to do tomorrow that will make me happy. I think I’m going to go for a walk in the woods near me I love doing that. It’s funny only thinking about the next 24 hours has made me a little happier. I know I can’t sustain this 24 thing for ever but I don’t feel shitty about tomorrow I just know how to make it thru that. Thanks you
That’s a great plan!
Nature seems to help a lot of people reconnect with life in a positive way. This makes me happy for you, Niko. THanks for sharing tomorrow’s agenda. I LIKE IT. Don’t forget to bring water and bug repellent.
Yessssthank you for reminding me about bug spray I always forget
Ticks are really bad this year and carrying some messed up virus.
Tell us what you think about on your walk. Listen to see if you get answers. Think about these questions before you go to bed.
Hope it’s great!
Yea they are not good a true all where I’m at so I will definitely do that!
I’m sure you’ll see a post. This is such a great outlet for me right now I fee it’s the only thing keeping me sane
It’s been good for me too. Getting real. Getting silly. Whatever it takes. But I gotta admit, I’m a little jealous of your hike tomorrow. Woods? Nature Trail? Mountain? Take pics if you can!
I will definitely take some pictures. It’s a hiking trail up a small mountain in the woods lol
<3
I can completely relate. Just getting through the day is about all I can manage right now. Sometimes it is hour by hour. I agree that this is not the ideal way to live, but give yourself credit for the fact that you keep putting one foot in front of another despite how horrible you feel.
Thats me right now. Hour by hour. It not sustianble be any means but right it’s better than the alternative. I hope you feel better. Do the next 24 hours with me!
Sounds good!
join me and embrace the hate!
I have enough hate right now I don’t want anymore lol
Why plan anything at all, outside loose generalities? Too much structure robs a painting of its beauty. Go Impressionistic like Renoir. Cubes are for squares.
Oh how I wish I could live that way. I would pack a bag right now and go hike the applation trail. Everyone I think needs some sort of structure.