Last night I began the process of writing out my final notes. My mom, sons mom, my brother and my son. When I got to my sons letter I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even write down his name. Even after 4 glasses of whiskey I couldn’t do it. I broke down and started to cry. A 28 year old guy crying his eyes out on his bed like a 12 year old girl.
I want to leave this world but I can’t without writing a letter for my son. And seeing that I can’t do that I’m stuck here. I have to get better. I want to be happy. I want to stop cutting myself. I want so many things I just have to find out how to make them happen…
here goes another 24 hours.
7 comments
Hey niko ( always loved that name btw)
I feel for you. There is nothing wrong with crying and there is no shame either.
I have never got to writing a note. My pen hovers above the page and words fail me.
You have done more than me mate. I think it takes an enourmous amount of courage to bring a child into this world. You have done something to contribute to it. I know that sounds a little ‘soppy’ but for me it’s the truth.
I wish i could help mate and say something more comforting.
your words are enough thank you
Wow, you rock! That’s a major revelation: hold onto it. You want to live, you want to be happy, you love your son.
There is nothing wrong with crying, besides you can blame it on the whiskey, but really, there’s nothing wrong at all with getting to the depth of your feelings, the depth of you.
I don’t think it’s another 24 hours. I think it’s a new chapter. I’m excited for you!
Call someone. Get a therapist: msw or pschologist, but having someone help you figure things out is going to be a lot better than this 24 hell you’ve been putting yourself through.
Thanks for posting this, Niko!
i can only think 24 hours ahead right now. I dont want to think of the future because thats were the pain is. but ill keep telling myself. another 24 another 24 and well go from there
Concentrate on making your life better. Do whatever it takes, anything at all. Your son needs you.
im trying i want to be happy i just dont know how to do it right now
You made a good contribution to this world…a son. I agree he needs you. I also understand wanting to be happy and wanting to ive just not sure how to handle the pain. Have you thought of getting professional help? Maybe a therapist, maybe medications. It might help take the edge off… make you stronger for your son. I think One day at a time is ok for awhile.