When she chose hospice instead of treatment I couldn’t argue. There was no fight left in her. Free morphine and weed, or horrible surgery, pain and more chemo? Sometimes I envy her. Sometimes I wish I had pressured her to stay for me. Then I hate myself.
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I understand your feeling Halfleft, my story is a bit different. I know it’s about your partner. mine is about my mom. the rest, is more or less the same; cancer, treatment options, guilt, suicide.
I am so sorry. It breaks my heart that anyone understands this feeling. I would not wish this upon anyone. I hope you find at least a few moments of comfort.
6 months on and still not a single moment of comfort. I hope you do find it though.
Oh Fally, im crying for both of us now. I would like to read some of your posts. Do you know how i could find them?
all we can do is to cry. my story is scattered in the comments I have made on different threads. you can send me an email if you felt like it
h y p 3 r b o r 3 a n @ g m a i l . c o m , you just have to remove the spaces.
I feel like you should have some sort of support system. It seems like a lot to ask of someone that they handle such profound grief alone.
I agree. As an introvert who now has anxiety around others it’s a quandry. My mother is keeping me fed and afraid to hurt myself, lest she suffer.
That is something at least, I’m glad to hear it.
So then, there’s no reason to hate yourself, right? She chose, you agreed. What less selfish thing could a person do?
I’m so sorry for this pain.
I know you are right, but these feelings are immune to reason . So much of what I feel lately is unreasonable and persistent. Much like when you wake from a dream and it makes no sense. yet this is so clearly not a dream.
Yes we can talk Halfleft.
When I read your note, your pain sounded so similar to mine, I wanted to know how you got there, ready to follow him that is. If you have just been hanging on by your fingernails like me I wanted to cry with you and hold your hand to whatever extent you can do that on a website. If you would rather talk privately my e-mail is perfukt@hotmail.com.
Let me email you