Does anyone listen 2 matchbox 20?

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry”. I am really confused and reaching out for help, I dont know if my boyfriend is truely abusive or if its me, if I should kill myself over it or the stuff that’s gone on in my life or if anyone would ever love me, if I have anything redeeming and if I care, I would really like someone I could talk to and tell what’s going on because I dont feel safe telling anyone else or being judged by people who know me and I’m so lonely I need a friend idk I’m such a loser hello