All I am to my family is an asshole. I do so much for them and try to make them all happy. I’ve tried everything I can but I am beyond done. They have pushed me passed my breaking point. Tonight’s note would make them all blame themselves but honestly it’s their fault. I keep thinking about a post I saw on here that mentioned how suicide isn’t an act of selfishness but rather the people that believe that are the selfish ones that don’t want to accept it’s their fault. I can’t stop my brain from taking me to this dark place but how come no mater what I do I am always the jerk? All I ever do is clean and fix things and try to make sure everything is perfect and in tip top shape so I don’t get yelled at. I’ve tried stopping so they see what I do but then I become a bigger asshole for doing nothing. So I do the minimum and they I still get yelled at. What is my purpose? I am done. Thanks for listening.
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2 comments
Some people will view it as a selfish act, some will not. It’s up to you to decide what it is. Simply because it is the way you feel, is what matters, not what others think of it. But one must also know the value of a life when considering taking one, including one’s own life.
You ask what’s your purpose? Don’t know…do we really even have purposes? I don’t know anymore… But you can make your own as long as you are willing.
You sound like your young and stuck in a toxic family. I hope you can hang in and make enough money someday to get the hell out and have nothing to do with them ever again. A home where people like us can relax and shut out the crazy world is really important for people like us. For some it’s the only thing thats kept them going. Blood relation means nothing under circumstances like this. You owe them nothing. If they don’t have the decency to treat you with respect then cut them loose as soon as you can. I don’t know if there is a purpose for anyone in life or if life itself has a purpose. It sure sounds like you are living in a situation that could make it very hard to discover or assign a purpose for yourself. I don’t presume to know your family situation but if this is the case I hope you can get away from them through some other method than suicide.