When I was a bit younger, about 7 years ago, I met a woman who changed my life. She quickly became the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was so happy to even spend an hour with her. I was with her for 5 years. She gave me a drive to complete college, to get a good paying job, she was all I could ask for. She made me feel content with my life.
However I made the biggest mistake that I continue to regret, it makes my heart drop. I have short periods of depression like I have all through my life, and she was there for me. This most recent time I ended up a bit worse off than usual, not really talking with anyone at all. I just didn’t want to be around people. I’d not talk to anyone for over a week at all. But I’d still find time at least once every day to tell her I loved her. Even if I couldn’t bring myself to converse with people. This went on for months actually. I ended up slipping deep into a depression and couldn’t get myself out for quite some time.
She attempted suicide. Overdosed on pills, ended up with charcoal in her stomach and a stomach pump followed by hospital stay. I tried really hard to spend time with her, talk with her every day, but she had given up on the idea of me and her as a couple.
Since then.. It’s been about 2 years, almost pushing 3. I’ve had 14 separate relationships, 12 of which have ended in me being cheated on. None of these compare and I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve tried so hard to forget about her but I just can’t seem to. I love her and this regret plagues me day in and day out to no avail, leaving me feeling like I’m clawing at the wall of a dried up well.
I don’t see the meaning anymore and I’m not the one to social media anything.. But here I am. I don’t know what I’m searching for by posting this but my fire is gone and I’m left crying and hoping for anything to give me purpose again
3 comments
*hugs*
I’m unsure what to say atm. I wish I could give you some sort of hope, feel better words or something… Anything at all.
I’m on the other end up this… In a way… I gave up on all ppl… Romantic relationships, friendships even family ties. I’m pretty much “dead” to everyone now.
But I hope somehow some way… You find your way to her in some way.
So I guess what you’re saying in a nutshell overdosing wouldn’t work for suicide because you will just get stomach pumped. Shoot. Maybe she didn’t take enough?
Um, what? I regret I’m having trouble making any sense out of that reply. It really seems this poster deserved care, not cryptic comments. Maybe I’m missing something? Of course, though, as you’re here, I imagine you feel so horribly, too, that it may be very difficult/impossible to see past the torture that leads you to thoughts so — final. May you, both, have healing and peace.