I would have committed suicide by now. If it wasn’t for one person.
So, here is my suicide note, in the event that this person never existed, in a different world.
Dear World #1~
Although I have only lived 14 years in this body, I know that life does not run in my favor.
I am seen as a burden to myself and others, although some may disagree to their own favor. My brain imagines violent things now a-days. I can’t even identify with my brain anymore, more-or-less my own body. Twitching and shaking is the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore. I hear things in my head just before I fall asleep. I try to address them as just “dreams” even though, I somehow know, they aren’t. Maybe the ringing of a rotary phone and the whistle of someone else’s lungs isn’t all that frightening after all. So please, put my body in a coffin and bury me under some soil, I’ll make sure to count how many people walk over me for you. Burn my clothes, save my writing but don’t read it until the day you feel I have lost my purpose, if i even ever had one.
~ Sincerely Him
2 comments
I’m sorry you’re seen as “just a burden.” That sucks. You’re 14…being a little, ummm, challenging is part of being, well, 14. I don’t have to tell you: kids your age go through a lot of shit. My kid is a little older than you; a challenge at times, but I wouldn’t change him. For anything. I’ve tried to be tolerant of his mistakes – and he’s been tolerant of mine. My wish for you (or two)…1. Hang in there, because (more than likely) it will get better. Get comfortable with the GOOD things about who you are. If nobody else is gonna do that for you, then it’s you job – start now. 😉 2. Saying you’d be dead if not for 1 person kind of concerns me. What do you think about maybe trying to make a few other friends or supports that will help you if/when you need it?
I don’t think I want anyone else. This person means alot to me. And no amount of any other friends could compare to this one. I promise you I will be okay as long as he’s by my side.