Awake again at 1 in the morning. So I need an outlet for my thoughts.
I am 21 and I have never had a job before. The only work I have done was volunteer work for 2 years with a local dog shelter back in highschool. I quit volunteer work though because I had to be a full time student in college, since it was the deal in order to live at my mom’s. Fast forward to now and that said deal is now off because reasons. Now, here is my problem, the thought of a job makes me physically throw up. I had a “job” (only lasted a few days so I don’t count it as a real job) I basically quit after having a full blown panic attack in the parking lot after my manger had to show me where to put something and then got super pissed at me because I didn’t have common sense. I am afraid of working at a public job, volunteer work and doing odd jobs on the other hand is something I can handle. I feel like a huge disappointment and a burden to everyone because I cannot get over this stupid fear of mine. I want a job but at the same time, my fear of working in the public gets me every time and I end up curled in my bed, crying.
This whole post sounds pathetic and I know the classic answer to this is “well I was afraid to get a job too, but I soon got over it once I started working.”
4 comments
Social anxiety, for me, came hand in hand with depression. I think it was the constant mindset of “nobody really cares what I say so I won’t say anything” that eventually became a problem and made me feel like I can no longer actually talk to people at all, or relate to anyone. Mustering enough courage to look for a job didn’t help at all because I would effectively fail the job interviews themselves by not being able to speak at all. Thankfully my grandfather’s brother got me work as an electrician, and I rarely have to interact with clients as we work for a large company.
I got my first job after I just turned 19…. I loved it a lot and it made me feel a lot better. The people I would meet there the customers were amazing but sometimes the bosses and coworkers were shit. But yeah it made me feel good to have a worthy thing to devote my time to, plus I was trying to save up to accomplish my dreams of years and years to build my own home off the grid. It was just a minimum wage job. I said I would be happy doing that every day until I die. It was not a bad experience. You get very talented at what you do. You feel useful. I would not be “afraid” of a public job. It is much much fun and too fun actually. Would not have to waste away with some job to do every day. Feel a lot better with a schedule and no time to mope and feel sorry for myself when I am doing what I am supposed to be doing serving the community and saving up for what I need in life. I’d take it if you get the chance. Now I’m having problems I have look for job for 3 years and I have no offer. Now it seems the crews they are hiring are a bit wack. I don’t think I could meld in with that type. Also there is no time to feel bad when you only have time to work and sleep and that is how I like it. I didn’t even have to hang out with people I pretended to enjoy because all I wanted to do was work and then sleep and get ready for work. Now no work for me…. maybe I can look into volunteer but I’ve been treated so poorly by randoms in sectors I would want to volunteer for so I would think that every one is not very good. But do something you are talented at, it makes you feel good. If you are good with customers then go into customer service if you are good behind scenes then go into warehouse or production. Or whatever these job people do. I just read a story bout a guy who watches a gym at night and he walks around pretending to be busy for his pay.
Is there anyway you can get a job with animals? Perhaps a paying job at the dog shelter? If not I suggest googling the best freelance websites. You can do jobs online and get paid for it, like writing and editing as well as loads of other things! I hope that helps!!
First thing I noticed is you put yourself down a lot, and you discount the experience you have as not “real” work. But actually, volunteering and working with animals, as well as that brief experience of paid employment you had WAS real work. I’m sure you learned something from it.
Putting yourself down does not work. You can be compassionate to yourself instead, and that will actually make you accomplish more in life as well. It’s called “self-compassion”, if you want to google it.
I don’t think throwing up at the thought of work and having a panic attack at work is just something to “get over”, or that you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.
I think you need to accept that a) you’re a bit sensitive, and b) your manager was probably not very nice to you there. If that kind of thing happens another time, you can register your dissatisfaction with it by simply speaking up. It’s okay to verbally disagree with your boss. In fact, I think it’s an important skill. I lost my last job because I walked out, I wish I had just spoken up.
To me, it sounds like what would be ideal for you would be partly that self-compassion approach, where you get on your own team and root for yourself. You’re a good person, worth as much as everyone else.
And then you can ease into work gradually. You can start volunteering again, maybe. Or you can find a job where you are less “exposed”. You can find a job for a very limited number of hours, maybe.
There are so many possibilities, and just testing the waters, really easing into it is a much better strategy (I think) than to go whole hog from the start and then beat yourself up over failure afterwards. Failure is okay. You tried. Failure hurts, but you tried.
I think you can do this, you just need time.
Take care, and good luck 🙂