My best friend has stopped talking to me recently. I’m used to people leaving me, my father did it my whole life. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I just need to come to terms with it, but I think she thinks we’re still friendly. I want to start over. She is a reminder of all the pain and trauma I endured while we were at school together. It would be easier for me to just walk away. A big part of me wants to.
I’m in therapy now, for the first time in my life, and a lot of things are starting to make sense. But, at the same time I’m in more pain than ever, and I’m alone.
All the abuse. All the trauma. Being molested. Being held down against my will. Being verbally assaulted. Being manipulated. Being neglected. Everyone thinks I should move on. Get over it. Like it was some random altercation that I’m still holding a grudge for. I was abused my entire childhood, and I carried that pattern of abuse into adulthood. No one has ever taken responsibility for what they did to me, and I’m just so tired. Its fine. Don’t be my friend. I have survived more than you ever will, and I will keep surviving because its all I was ever taught how to do. Peace.
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I went through the same thing word for word and I also grew up being abused by a sibling. Everything you’ve said here I’ve went through as well but I’m here to talk about your best friend.
What I did when I realized my best friend didn’t think of me as someone important because she treated me like I was disposable and when I realized there was no trust between us, I decided to cut ties with her. I started by completely ignoring all her texts and calls, and as her attempted contacts became less and less, she completely stopped. I moved on from her and I felt released. Sometimes people change as we grow apart from walking different roads in life and when those roads are too far apart, it’s better to walk away and keep your eyes on your own road.
People will always come and go in your life but their influences is what stays with you. There will always be goodbyes and that just means those goodbyes will make room for new and better people in your life, so don’t close your doors just yet.