It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. I started having pain in Jan-Feb this year and found out I’ve got arthritis on the level of an 80-90 year old and I need my knees replaced within this year. Of course I can’t get that because I’m on state care. It’s rapidly degenerating and I face being in a wheelchair unable to do anything for myself. The nerve damage has gotten worse and I can’t feel anything but PAIN in my hands and feet and it makes it hard to wipe my ass just because it’s so painful to hold on to the toilet paper. I’m treated like shit and used for every dime I earn and every minute of slave labor I can provide and I’m sick of it. My feelings don’t matter at all and I’m just someone to be used and shit on. So I’m leaving. I’m leaving the apartment and job I have and worked so hard to get. I have no chance of ever working anywhere else being fat, disabled and trans. I hesitated for so long because I doubt my ability to physically get to where I’m going and not be seen, caught, questioned, or whatever. I’ve feared people putting out an APB on me to have me taken into custody. But I have a right to leave abusive assholes in the dust and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I’ll only have my next paycheck to go on. I’m hoping to get at least 1 night in a cheap motel to rest. I’m very nervous. I’m fine with not turning 40. This is all fucking shit!
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That’s where I’m at too, but no arthritis. Um, I am also treated like shit from people who are nastier than me. But I have no last check to live off. I’m trying to get 30$ to get a taxi to jump off a cliff nearest to me. I have no way to get money other than sell some stupid belongings I have which no one wants to buy. I can’t wait to die I hate every human on this planet so fucking much
How did this even happen? The arthritis thing I mean.
But I’m real sorry about your situation. I can definitely relate. I just wish you luck in whatever you decide to do and to always look up. Even if things get hard.
I remember your posts from before, you’ve been here a while. I always rooted for you to get away from those awful people who just use you and take advantage of your good heart. What does it mean you’re on state care? Are you getting disability at least? Look into that and maybe you can get help with money. Exhaust all options. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. I pray something works out for you and that you won’t have to resort to death.