Let’s say death is actually an end. Nothing exists after. That should be comforting, right?
I can’t help but believe though, that if my life were to end right now (or whenever) and my comprehension of everything or anything ceased to exist…it does nothing to change the fact that my life did exist.
We see time as an arrow always moving and only in one direction. But that does not mean that for the next dimension up, time does the same thing. A 2D drawing can not understand the concept of depth, but it exists. (I know it’s not alive but it still works the point). So when we see time end and think it’s finally over, that does not mean there isn’t some other plane / dimension / whatever that can perceive all of time existing at once with no start or finish. Which means time could exist in a constant somewhere. Shit, if you were 66 million light years from earth right now and had a powerful enough telescope, you could actually watch the dinosaurs go extinct. So it’s not exactly a straightforward concept anyway.
So if time, and everything that ever happened or will ever happen exists somewhere to someone or something, death solves nothing. If my mind shuts off right now, doesn’t it still and always exist feeling the same shitty way for eternity just because it happened in the first place? Can I ever actually shut down and rest without knowing there isnt an infinite loop of my consciousness, and all the miserable crap that goes with it, existing in the universe/reality/whatever the greater whole is? Instead of shutting off, do I just pop back into it without the knowledge of it happening, for eternity? Which means it’s happening now and always. And it’s not like that other me is someone else, it is still me. I still felt/feel that depression and heartbreak and loss and on and on…
Even if there IS something after, don’t we still exist in that loop in our current states at the same exact time? Right here and now is the present to us, but it could be the past or the future to something else which means it could happen again, and again, and again regardless of what tomorrow holds.
So the only way to not be miserable for an eternity, is to find a way to be happy and content and die in peace. Wonderful. Can you imagine applying that concept of eternal suffering to the teachings of certain spiritual figures who basically lay out the guidelines for kindness and happiness lest you end up in “Hell”? Did I just fucking convince myself that that stupid concept of a “Hell” actually does exist and has just been miscommunicated in the telephone game of time???!?
FML
12 comments
I’ve thought similar thoughts and concluded that time will tell.
Is there a way to unthink them?
Meditation. It won’t “unthink” them, but you can acknowledge the thought and let it go.
” If my mind shuts off right now, doesn’t it still and always exist feeling the same shitty way for eternity just because it happened in the first place?”
I am counting on the death of my physical mind relieving me (or whatever remains of “me”) of the joy of having been me. If this doesn’t happen, it’s going to be a long eternity.
Yeah, I was counting on the exact same thing. Now I feel like the state and moment at the end is going to echo for eternity. So a violent or depressed self-exit now seems to be a bad idea no matter how much I’d just love to move on. And I am so exhausted from trying to change it. Kind of a rock / hard place situation. I was ok just waiting to die before but now I am concerned I actually do need to make something good work knowing full well where I am going to end up all over again. Really sux
Rather than a perpetual consciousness of the mood/mindset at death, which I believe has become accepted as a kind of truth because of all the stories/movies we hear of hauntings. There have been so many horrific deaths all over this world that I find it hard to buy into it. I do believe in there is something that survives, but that is perhaps perpetuated by the concepts of spirit and of soul. I’m hoping though, that all of who I am is obliterated utterly and that the dust of my bones helps something beautiful to grow a tree for the birds to nest in or flowers for the bees to make honey or even those tiny wild violets of which I am so fond. ramble ramble ramble, blah blah blah. ffs.
I wasn’t thinking echo like in making a ghost though I guess that’s an interesting concept.
Then again, I’ve had more than my share of odd encounters. Its funny how some are sensitive to it and others not even when all are present. Regardless of what’s on the other side, I’m in.
Excellent synopsis of existence. Time is nothing more than a dimension like x,y,z. Saying we cease to exist just because we die at a later time, that’s like saying a balloon ceases to exist when you release it because it is no longer at the z coordinate where it once was.
Another way to look at existence is like a book. Time is the turning of pages 1,2,3,4, etc. If the main character dies on page 400, does that physically erase the character from all the other pages? Do pages 1,2,3,4 cease to exist because the story ends on page 400? No, the book is a fixed unit. Characters can’t escape it, they can’t erase themselves or leave the story, even if they die in the story. They will exist in the book.
Is this terrifying? I don’t think so. Shakespeare said that we each play many roles, and I think many spiritual and philosophical doctrines (Buddhism for one) suggest that idea also. Back to the book analogy, it’s like we read the book through the eyes of one character, and then we read it again through the eyes of another, then another, etc. So if this is to be believed, then existence is not an infinite look in the hell we’re currently in. Sooner or later you’ll get to play the role of some carefree butterfly who is happy for every second of life.
I’m not talking about “reincarnation” because that goes back to temporal thinking. I’m talking about an awareness that transcends time. Surely “suffering” is time dependent, no? A snapshot doesn’t suffer because it has no past or future to compare its condition with. Suffering is just a relative difference between one level of pain and another level of less pain (again a time-based comparison). So if you exist outside this moving train of time, you feel no pain. You’re just an outside observer leafing through the book.
Thank God someone could follow that and get it too. I’m not really terrified, I’m just convinced I need to die happy. Which is obviously a good goal to have but it’s going to be a lot of work to get there. I still can’t get over the concept that no matter what comes after – my character on page 36 will still exist in the poor state of mind always – but if my character is in a better state of mind on page 42 then that one also counts. It’s a real twister
Basically, I want to die, but not feeling the way I do now. Of course, when I do flip my state of mind into a good place, I probably won’t be as keen to die ;-P
I do get your other point of re-reading from different points of view and i see how it can track enough with or supplement the thoughts I’ve put down in someones comment last week describing how I see “God” and how we fit in.
https://suicideproject.org/2017/09/u-guys-are-not-as-bad-as-me/