That was the very first thought as soon as I opened my eyes. It felt like hell in my mind, thinking about having to face another day. My mom will be out of the hospital today so I will be forced to put on a good front.
Yesterday, I ran on the treadmill longer than I ever have and the rest of the day went well. I walked around the block listening to music. Some random lady called me beautiful. I had 2 beers and lied in an open field last night, looking up at the stars.
Maybe I’ll get some coffee, work out and see how it goes today. I just don’t feel like it.
One thing is for sure, if you do nothing, you get nothing. It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole and sit around in your defeated thoughts all day, drowning more and more. When you actually put forth effort, things get better and fall into place. Good things start to happen.
The constant battle though! Fuck.
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Update: I’m probably talking to myself, but who cares.
So at least I just ran on the treadmill. It was HARD! Some days are harder than others. Running is weird like that. I usually say a prayer and ask the Lord to give me strength.
Some encouraging words I repeat while running:
“You are an athlete!”
“You are a conqueror!”
“Keep going!”
“You got this!”
I like your mentality. I’ve felt the same sometimes when I’m at the gym. To push myself a little bit further. I too say a prayer asking for strength. But I like your…
“You are an athlete!”
“You are a conqueror!”
“Keep going!”
“You got this!”
Sometimes instead of asking for strength, I pray to God that I have a heart attack and die exercising. That actually makes me push my body to the extreme. To the point where it stops living. Once I burnt 1200 calories at a gym session. I was trying to kill myself. Unsuccessful.
In my experience exercise is the best remedy for depression and keeping a positive mental state. Along with a healthy diet. Well done with the running on the treadmill. Keep it up.
The sense of accomplishment is good. It’s something to be proud of. Thank you! You keep up the exercise too! 🙂