More thoughts

i apologize for posting again, but there seems to be so much I have to get off my chest. I was thinking about a friend of mine that died a little over a year ago, and how I envy him. I believe in God and Jesus, and I think that killing myself would not end in hell, but in heaven. I just want the worry and stress to end. Every day it seems to be worse; I hate waking up in the morning knowing it’s another day of the same. I know I’m a disappointment to my wife, she’s not shy about letting me know that on a regular basis. I would settle for an accident so they wouldn’t hate me more, but then if I’m dead, what difference does it make?