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i don’t know what to do anymore

by aphids

tw : torture, m*olestation mention, abuse, lots of swearing

i just,,,don’t know what to do anymore ?? i try and i try and i try and nothing fucking helps and i just want to fucking disappear and never come back to this shitty planet

what even happened to me isn’t even classified as a bad thing because “it’s just water” ***** do you really want to find out how it feels to be drowngin because sure, go ahead on your shitty fucking youtuve channel and waterboard yourself and then complain about how you were wrong

i’m so fucking weak it’s pathetic and i can’ty help but feeling like i want to die and i have to hold in everything befcause i can’t let anyone down but i just want to scream because i’ve been through so much shti because of my own familt it’s pathetic

i’ve b een waterboarded, been threatened and cornered with knives, molested and severely abused and i’m only 17 fucking years old and right now nothing is stoppign me from just leaving this fucking place and never looking back bevause i don’t want this anymore i want a fucking reboot in life

i try to get help but every fucking time i get pushed away like i’m nothing and honestly this is my last fucking stop and if this doesn’;t work well then i’m fucked because my life is going down the drain

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2 comments

freeroma 11/30/2017 - 11:58 pm

If they’re let down because they can’t accept you have things to deal with, then their standards can’t mean much.
Occasionally you’ll find someone who can actually be there and help you when you’re going through this instead, and that’s nice but a bit rare. More common approach is to back off and then you have to find it in yourself to cope. If that includes screaming then screw it, do what you have to. Better than holding it in, and makes me feel a bit better at times.

aphids 12/1/2017 - 11:46 am

!! i posted that in a spur of a moment kind of thing last night because i was feeling massively suicidal. i still feel shitty but it’s alot better and i’ll definitely take your advice to heart. thank you for commenting, it means alot

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