A flower without sunlight

I feel like a little boy. I feel like I never grew up. I feel like I never turned into a man. I got messed up in the head nearly 6 years ago. I honestly think I have brain damage now. It is as if I can actually feel my brain literally dying.

I feel neglected. I feel like my potential was never realized and now it’s too late. Being a little boy as a near 23 year old is too much for me to handle. I was utterly emasculated. Thouroughly emasculated. Stripped of everything. It broke my head beyond repair. I was messed up in the head and it always hurts.

I am so alone. The level of despair I feel now is so much darker than it used to be. I can’t be fixed anymore. Not even 5 height surgeries can fix my fucked up head. 2 for my legs, 2 for my arms, one for my spine.. I got fucked in the head. So broken. So hopeless. You want more details about the surgeries? You can find it by digging around my posts a bit but even reading it all, you could never understand. Never.

I already know it’s too late to fix my head. Miracles aren’t real. I am going to kill myself so very soon. I was alone. No one tried to fix me.

Can you feel it? Are you going to die soon too? I already picked out my bridge. I am going to die.