i am trying to see a point

last friday i made up a plan. i knew what i would do, and how. but before i would attempt it, i really wanted to think it through. somehow i stumbled across a video on youtube, which got me thinking. so i decided, that i would either go through with my plan, or really, really try to start living. make some things better. i went with the second option. i decided to wake up the next morning and try to live day by day. so thats what i have been trying to do lately. taking small steps at a time. but then today, i was hanging out with my friends. it was cool, nothing much happened. we just talked. but then some people left and well it was just 5 of us left. two of them started talking about a common friend, and the other two girls were just messing around with snapchat. and so there i sat. by myself, alone, again. nobody cared. nobody cared that i sat alone with my phone, trying to pretend that i was messaging with someone. and right in that moment, i really wanted to disappear and just you know, do it. but some hours have passed since then, and i am trying to look past it, but i have a huge problem with people not caring. tbh, who doesnt? so anyway, i am still here. i am trying. but honestly i dont really know what the fuck i am doing. trying to get better i guess? read more. run more. i dont know. is this even gonna work?