I lied… Why admit it?

  January 10th, 2018 by Urm8451n

I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.

I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.

I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I don’t have friends out here or there.. But it is just that I’m holding back so many secrets and bad memories/ current events which I tell none about.

I used to have a friend from work, I texted at late hours. but her bf got so insecure and jealous that now she doesn’t text me.

I’m really lonely.

I hate this years the most. I hate college. I wish to finish it already.

everyone speaks about prosperity and development through the studies. everyone is focused on meeting others and studying.

I’m just focused on the fucking simple target.
I want to finish this so I’ll have the power to make my mom normal and sane (she is unmentaly stable and really short on money) and help my brother (he doesn’t have money, and few years older than me, currently doing nothing).

I wanted to say this: my grandmother is dying of cancer and I don’t speak to her for already four years.

my other grandmother died an year ago without me knowing, because I don’t have connection with my insane dad for about three years.

I’m just a fucking kid taking control at crazy ass situation.

My whole childhood is a one big miss of opportunities.

And same goes for my university experience.

I have gotten so lonely that I’m just crying infront of my smartphone in my 1 meter square room, to random strangers.

I don’t know how I’ll make it through

I really hope to find a girl to be with soon, because I really felt like I had reason to live with my last ex.

anyway, with or without, and even if current life gets worse, I would not kill myself because I’m a few steps from winning my life back.

Your comment matters,
stay strong be brace, do what you gotta do.
Your friend, Jac.

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