I’m new here. I’m 25, I have a beautiful daughter, she is the most perfect and beautiful little creature I have ever held, just got my first home last year in October, Friday the 13th to be exact, got married on October 31st , few days after we got the house, I’ve gotten two promotions at my job and I get paid extremely good, I graduated with my bachelors in 2016. My life is perfect as I titled this. I want to kill myself. Everyday I struggle with the thoughts of doing it but I can hear everyone asking why? My life is perfect. But no one knows that’s it’s ME who isn’t perfect. I hate everything about y being. I hate seeing other girls loving themselves knowing that I cannot. And when I try to stem off and find the reason I feel this way I can’t track it down. I have always had these thoughts. I have always felt like i couldn’t be loved or missed unless i went missing…and then when i hit around 7 it went from missing to being dead. Side note: I have been diagnosed with childhood adhd. I went to a psychiatrist when i was 23 wanting help. But ever since i found out my brain is retarded I know I will eventually lose my shit and end up in a psych ward one day. I struggle every day with these thoughts but I can’t abandon my daughter I know she loves me a lot she’s only 13 months. But I hate living everyday with the urge. My parents always hated who I was growing up to be. My psychiatrist said my parents may have been naive to take me to get help. And I see it. I probably hate myself because I am so used to thinking i have to have it all together like my parents. it’s hard to accept that nothing is perfect now that I’m an adult. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I feel like maybe it will help. But i really feel like I will always be a retard. I can’t act right and I’m a 25 year old “WOMAN”. I’m and “ADULT” but my mind is so retarded I act like a kid. I have tantrums, i blackout and don’t know why i do things when i’m angry. My parents don’t like to talk about it. talking to my friends doesn’t take away the pain. My husband betrayed me all the years we’ve ben together until the beginning of 2016 he decided to change. But I feel like it’s too late. My dr says I’m a good example of adhd being untreated which led to my other problems. like depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. are these things even real? are they excuses for my shitty life. I just hate wanting to kill myself everyday. I hate hating myself everyday and i want it to be over. audit’s not as easy as forgetting about it all.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
9 comments
Dont do it. At least wait until your mental state has caused you to lose your good job, family and home.
don’t do it.
Suicide should be reserved for when everything in your life has truly fallen apart and there is just no way to go on.
You’ve got oodles more than a lot of us on here.
Sounds cut and dry to me.
Im not too sure what you mean by that. Could you explain
I can’t do it. I can’t leave my daughter. I’m living each day wishing I were dead. I don’t understand why I feel like this even though I have everything.
I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you suicide is wrong because I truly believe it is an option to end your pain. The only question is, can you manage the pain for the sake of your daughter.
I’m a firm believer that circumstances don’t matter as much as we think. A good job doesn’t guarantee a happy life, nor does a bad job guarantee a shitty life. It’s what’s in our head that counts. You seem like you have a lot of conflicts in there (just like me, even though I have a pretty “good” life). Look up any celebrity suicide and you’ll see the same. Successful people have every right to be suicidally depressed, and in fact I would say those are the most hopeless ones, when money, career, purpose and love can’t save them. I guess like you’re saying, some people’s brains are just damaged.
I strongly disagree with your doctor though. Adhd untreated leads to depression, ptsd, etc?? Does your doctor understand that those disorders are very different or is he/she just lumping all mental disorders together? That’s sort of like saying untreated diabetes will lead to cancer. Anyway, I have no answers except to wish you luck and hope you stay alive for your daughter’s sake.
I try every day to smile more for her. We just took a bubble bath and I was so In love with how happy she is to be playing with me in the bubbles. I’m so disgusted with myself that I have these thoughts and can’t have a normal brain for her. I want to enjoy life so that she can’t enjoy more of it with me.
I really don’t question him too much because after the first visit I started to finally agree that my mind is and always had been ducked up. I just say the Adderall is doing great and leave every month. I need it. Whenever I don’t I know I’m annoying to some, bitchy (blunt) to others, and a loose cannon. But then I hate myself too when I’m on it. I feel bad for little kids that are out on these.
People only see what’s on the outside. I have been down that road. When I was younger. Now instead of envy I see something else in their eyes.