those shitty walk cycles in late 90’s 3D animation

I’m doing a wonderful job of getting progressively worse

My mother is considering quitting her job because

I’m kinda shutting down.

She told me her day has been okay

but I’m told she nearly crashed this morning

because my bullshit made her break down mentally.

I saw this kid walking to school near me yesterday.

I don’t see that too often because most people around here seem to get rides.

I believe he’s a junior.

He seemed mature

in that traditional sense

like adults could take him seriously

but I noticed the entire walk

that his actions

seemed to be completely independent of his surroundings.

It reminded me of low budget graphics

and how, in truly terrible films, the characters have this horrible way of gliding along the ground inconsistently with their steps

as if their movement is completely independent of when or how they step.

It’s unnatural and alien looking

but you may even notice it in early higher budget animation if you pay close attention.

He’d step on things or would walk past objects with no

reaction.

I notice that a lot about people.

People who do good jobs of taking care of themselves.

I think they’ve mastered this

controlled indifference

not as a response to things, as I have,

but as a state of being that I can’t achieve.

I come off as dramatic but I think I’ve just a bad habit of reacting

and it’s absolutely exhausting me.