Have you ever felt like drowning? How you wake up everyday, your chest just aching. You pound and pound and realize there’s nothing inside it. Just pure blackness and how it eats you from the inside. And how this feelings are inevitable in one’s life. How the waves keep crashing, the walls aren’t breaking, still silently screaming. The feeling when you want to let go and break down and it’s there, the burning sensation at the back of your throat but then it just doesn’t happen. How you just want to break down while there are thousands of people surrounding you, going on with their own lives and you’re there, pretending you’re one of them. How you seem to be trapped in this black void, just full of nothingness. I didn’t believe it before, that we could be swallowed up by darkness, that we could be swallowed up by our own regrets, our sins, our own selves. Time heals, they say. Time also breaks you. Until you run out of it and you just have to be erased. It stings how you keep swimming back to the surface but the waves keep crashing down on you, how the water keeps pulling you down, deeper, deeper, until everything gets blurry, until you struggle more and more to stay alive, until you run out of breath. How almost everyone wakes up in a bed of roses while you’re there, waking up in its thorns.
When you get use to the pain, it just becomes numb. It doesn’t actually fade away but rather it stays and stays quiet for a while until it rains down on you and you can’t get back up anymore. And you just have to face everything, the waves get bigger every time you try to run or swim away from it and once you decided to face it, the raging sea and everything will have no mercy on you.
Drowning- a death caused by someone being under water and not being able to breathe.
Drowning seems to be in perfect synonym with depression.
I’m afraid I’ll not be able to breathe soon. Very soon.