Empty

Empty is how I feel. Not empty in the sense of nothingness. I wish it was nothingness. It’s that empty that hurts. Like a flesh eating worm, it hurts.
It’s hard to put in words this feeling of mine.
I struggle to comprehend many feeling this way.
This terrible feeling goes beyond my gut. It crawls through my every being, like maggots on an open wound.
For over 12 years I have known this feeling. Sometimes this feeling reseeds into the background. Loo it is always there. Feeding, growing, waiting.
It waits for me to see hope, the swiftly drags me down again.
It knows my name, it knows my shame, it closes me off to a world without which I continue to survive.
I cannot describe it as you would a physical pain without it actually causing me physical pain.
The best way to describe it truly is EMPTY.