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GeneralPoetry & Art

The Sound – I Can’t Escape Myself/Hour of Need

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just want to break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
–
All my problems
Loom larger than life
I can’t swallow
Another slice
Seems like my shadow
Mocks every stride
Can I learn to live with
What’s trapped inside?
–
I can’t escape myself
–
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just wanna break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape myself

Lyrics:

I hate the quiet times
I need some company
I miss the noise of life
The silence deafens me
–
The seconds split so slow
The minutes I can’t kill
I keep an eye on the time
I catch it standing still
–
In my hour of need
In my hour of need
–
Try to find my place
Sometimes I get so near
I journey aimless days
But always end up here
–
In my hour of need
In my hour of need
In my hour of need
In my hour of need
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GeneralPoetry & Art

Paul Durcan – Thinking About Suicide

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Although I may never commit suicide

I spend parts of each day thinking about suicide –

Thinking about how I lack the courage to do it.

–

I wake in the mourning with 60 per cent depression.

That’s how it remains for the whole day,

Except for the odd occasion in a year

–

In the doorway or on the street I meet by chance

For a few minutes a woman passing-by

Who has the time to stop and talk for three minutes

–

Or five minutes or even sometimes seven or eight minutes,

Who rocks back on her heels in her pink, hooped skirt

With laughter, no matter what the topic.

–

Depression and despair are two different states

Of mind, not having a lot in common.

Although I have 60 per cent depression, I do not despair.

–

I do not see eye to eye with Samuel Beckett

Who disapproved of suicide and who promulgated

The doctrine of ”going on” for the sake of ”going on”.

–

Estranged from my family, if I do not soon

Take my own life, others will take it from me –

Hooded males with knives in their tracksuits

–

Or medics in their scrubs prancing corridors

Or cowpat-faced ward sisters smirking

Or ice-cold proprietors of old peoples’s homes.

–

How is it that you do not see it, Samuel,

That I do not want to go on for the sake of going on –

Seeing the same old, tired-out impressionist paintings again and again?

–

Men are such po-faced bores.

Each one of them an editor-in-chief.

I wand to stand still by the water’s edge.

–

I want to hold a woman’s hand for the last time.

I want to fill my pockets with Palaeozoic stones.

I want to open my eyes.

 

From the collection Praise In Which I Live And Move And Have My Being (2012).

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Leonard Cohen – Dress Rehearsal Rag

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

Four o’clock in the afternoon and I didn’t feel like very much

I said to myself, ”Where are you golden boy? Where is your famous golden touch?”

I thought you knew where all of the elephants lie down

I thought you were the crown prince of all the wheels in Ivory town

Just take a look at your body now, there’s nothing much to save

And a bitter voice in the mirror cries, ”Hey, prince, you need a shave”

Now if you can manage to get your trembling fingers to behave

Why don’t you try unwrapping a stainless steel razor blade?

That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

There’s no hot water and the cold is running thin

Well, what do you expect from the kind of places you’ve been living in?

Don’t drink from that cup, it’s all caked and and cracked along the rim

That’s not the electric light, my friend, that is your vision growing dim

Cover up your face with soap, there, now you’re Santa Claus

And you’ve got a gift for anyone who will give you his applause

I thought you were a racing man, but you couldn’t take the pace

That’s a funeral in the mirror and it’s stopping at your face

That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

Once there was a path and a girl with chestnut hair

And you passed the summers picking all of the berries that grew there

There were times she was a woman, there were times she was just a child

And you held her in the shadows, where the raspberries grow wild

And you climbed the twilight mountains and you sang about the view

And everywhere that you wandered, love seemed to go along with you

That’s a hard one to remember, yes, it makes you clench your fist

And then the veins stand out like highways, all along your wrist

And yes, it’s come to this… It’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

You can still find a job, go out and talk to a friend

On the back of every magazine, there are those coupons you can send

Why don’t you join the Rosicrucians? They will give you back your hope…

You can find your love with diagrams on a plain brown envelope

But you’ve used up all your coupons, except the one that seems

To be written on your wrist, along with several thousand dreams

Now Santa Claus comes forward, that’s a razor in his mitt

And he puts on his dark glasses and he shows you where to hit

And then the cameras pan, the stand-in stuntman

Dress rehearsal rag… It’s just the dress rehearsal rag…

You know, this dress rehearsal rag… It’s just a dress rehearsal rag…

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General

Empty

by mo992
written by mo992

Empty is how I feel. Not empty in the sense of nothingness. I wish it was nothingness. It’s that empty that hurts. Like a flesh eating worm, it hurts.
It’s hard to put in words this feeling of mine.
I struggle to comprehend many feeling this way.
This terrible feeling goes beyond my gut. It crawls through my every being, like maggots on an open wound.
For over 12 years I have known this feeling. Sometimes this feeling reseeds into the background. Loo it is always there. Feeding, growing, waiting.
It waits for me to see hope, the swiftly drags me down again.
It knows my name, it knows my shame, it closes me off to a world without which I continue to survive.
I cannot describe it as you would a physical pain without it actually causing me physical pain.
The best way to describe it truly is EMPTY.

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General

*TRIGGER WARNING*Teen live streams suicide while friends watch

by rayonhousefly
written by rayonhousefly

TRIGGER WARNING

Well this happened today, or yesterday depending on your timezone. Im not going to link in the effort not to trigger anyone, but if you are so inclined use google.

I watched the whole video, his friend managed to record most of it. The kids mom walks in just minutes after her son shot himself in the face with a shotgun.

The reason i bring this up is because he frequented an image board i also did, and he specifically says goodbye to the people there before doing it. The reason is, that after watching it, something clicked inside me. And that is that no matter how shit i feel, no matter how hard things may seem in the moment, i dont get to opt out. Suicide is no longer an option for me, ever.

Just hearing the distress in his friends voice, and his mother reaction to finding her son dead with half a face, well, i dont know just something about the reality. We dont really think about what happens after, as far as it relates to those around us because at the time, we are so cought up, drowned, in our own pain, that even if we do consider others, it may not seem like it matters.

Well i dont know, ive been getting all the info i can and browsing /r9k/ for the backstory and watching that video, i dont know, it did something to me. And dont get me wrong ive watched tons of suicide videos, when i was a teen it was a sick passtime and fascination of mine. There was something different about this one. Maybe it was i can still relate to being a teen, not being very far off from there myself, maybe it was the reactions of his friends and parents that made it stick out. Whatever it was, i just wanted to get this out there. Its been a while since a real revelation has come along for me. I just wish it wasnt when another person who was obviously suffering takes their own life. But it is what it is.

I can only hope the family will be able to work through this one day. And i hope for all of you, if you do take it upon yourselves to look into this story, are able to take something from it. If only a grim realization of what you would actually be doing to those around you, regardless of if you believe anyone cares about you or not. I would bet most if not every single person here has someone who would miss them if they were gone. And if you dont currently, you will in the future. Anyways, i just needed to get this out of my head and felt like this would be the best place. Sorry if this brings up anything bad for anyone, ill put a trigger warning on it. Just one more day, one more breath, could make all the difference. The present is all there is, past and future is an illusion. Good night.

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My Suicide Note

Sorry Friends

by OneSadLife
written by OneSadLife

My wish is this one day I have it all ended. Where Do I began? Im 16, Just faking everything. I attempted Sucicde countless times from anything from Suffocation, Overdose, Cutting, Strangling and have tried hanging. All of them have failed and caused pain for me. I have a girlfriend I hate my life and my family. I wish I could run away and not be affected by anything. I got into trouble at school for Depression thoughts, Self-Harm. I was sent to the hospital twice for a week. Put me on meds and never really helped. The Hospitial is out and I will run from it like I had before. Here’s my note for this world and in a few weeks I will put myself to sleep with a bullet.

Dear Family,

You told me to be happy so I did that and Im very proud for the decision i took. You told me I will find her, Mostly I blame all of this shit on you.

Dear Friends,

You tried to help me, But I was going to do this anyways, One day he/she will come and May God bless you all. I hope for the best for you all.

Dear Girlfriend,

If you are sad I am sad too, Live your life to the fullest and I love you and I will be in your heart forever,  I hope you find him and he will make you happy. Sorry it couldn’t be me and Im sorry for this love. I had lived through alot and I personally care for you. It was my choice and it will never be your fault.

Dear God,

If you are listening to my thoughts please Forgive me as this gun goes through my head. I had enough and I know you had a plan but this is my plan. How much I hated life. Thank you for the blessings and friends.

Dear all,

To whom it may concern,

I had friends I deeply care but their lives was cut short. I guess Hell will be waiting as I made a sin and not put effort to believe. This is my choice and i wanted it so bad that I even tried many times. Im unworthy of all this. Let my death tell you something,!Live your life dont let it go. Life is a highway.

And finally The Date should be 27th of June. Guess that gives me time. I have decided and only God can change that. Send me back to hospital Once free Ill find and commit this misery life Im in.

Thanks, Please Dont help me

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General

Live fast, die young, and leave a good lookin corpse.

by noneedforaname
written by noneedforaname

Live fast, die young, and leave a good lookin corpse. That’s the way we always lived our lives growing up, some of us succeeded, some of us ( like myself ) didn’t. Oh I lived fast, ( still am ) but I didn’t die young, and let’s face it, the GOOD lookin corpse things went right out the window years ago. I grew up and still live in Detroit. Growing up we didn’t have anything but that didn’t matter cause we really didn’t need anything, hell there was no such thing as cable, or video games, we had hot wheels, the girls had their Barbie’s , and our imagination. But from a early age I’ve experienced death, kids in grade school, friends in high school, the first time I witnessed a death first hand I was 15 and came out of the pool hall and some guy stared at me and a friend of mine and then proceeded to pull out a gun and gave himself a new set of holes in his head, and as a few of you know here I ride with a M/ C so I’ve seen more than my share of friends die in the Biker world, starting in 2001 until present I have lost my wife, my father, my mother, two really close cousins, my son, a friend of the family that I raised as a son, a granddaughter, a nephew to heroin overdose in my home, and just recently a grandson. So like I said I’ve always dealt with death differently than everybody else, almost to the point of being cold to it , or to be quite honest, un- phased by it. But now I’m alone most of the time, unless I am out runnin and partyin. And all of these things are coming back to me now, almost teasing me, I swear I see things in the dark, or I think I hear something, but nothing is there. I’m not afraid of anything as far as I’m concerned the only permanent thing you could do to me is kill me, and I’m not afraid to die. But it does bother me in the sense that it’s happening now, now that I’ve lost everything including my job, and my home. I haven’t been the best person in the world but I’m far from the worst. Am I being punished for something I did a long time ago ??? And if so why not everything all at once, why spread it out over a 15 year span ultimately ending with me losing everything including my pride ??? I’m just venting again causing writing down my thoughts and the questions that I have at any given time and being able to read through it is well therapeutic to me in a sense. But I think I’m now.

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General

Poetry is my outlet currently

by Skior
written by Skior

I’ve started writing poetry about how i feel from day to day, I would like it if i could get some advice on what i wrote

Thanks

Beauty,
It is so lovely
The deeper we sink into depression
It sooner blossoms in our fears and our desperation
It tears our hearts and makes them bleed
But it is a new start, a new beginning
No matter how deep the pain flows
In the deepest veins it courses
It travels, It spreads
Yet still, is the light in our dark and gloomy life
Every life is sad and lonely
the people who learn to accept it live happier
Live longer
Live better
Life is acceptance
And accepting that the beauty is ever fading
Makes beauty ever lovely

also ignore the accidental pun in the title

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General

Live and learn, right?

by Bri
written by Bri

I’m really bad at taking emotional pain, not that people think about that when they give me a reason to be emotionally hurt. It’s really funny honestly, how all of it plays out. I had let a friend of mine close, like really close… We have only really been together a couple weeks, but I’ve had the crush on him and he on me for the LONGEST time… So, ask me, what did I receive somewhere between Psychology 1101 and Accounting 1100 tonight? The “I think we rushed it, we should just be friends” message!

It shouldn’t hurt this bad, but fuck y’know? He promised me, and I guess because we were friends I believed it… I really trusted him and it hurts a ton. I wish I wasn’t so weak about these kinda things, but I am. I try, get thrown to the ground, then pick myself up and dust myself off. Every. Damn. Time. It’s getting hard for me to want to bounce back. How long until the ball goes flat?

Anyways… How do I deal with emotional pain?

Well, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a couple new piercings (have mom do them, they’re just going to be in my ear.) Maybe cut my hair in a mohawk (it’s already side shaved on one side) and or redye it. Because, hey why not?!

 

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General

Life

by Drowning
written by Drowning

Do we Live to work or work to live ??

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Rants

Assisted suicide

by NiDDA
written by NiDDA

I had a conversation today that inspired this post.

Imagine the sick people who need organs to survive, they WANT to survive, they WANT to LIVE. If they had a method, I mean doctors, to kill patients without damaging the needed body parts or organs, they could give them to the sick, they could give them their desired LIFE. Instead of this they let people die from hanging, ODing etc. MISERABLY and MEANINGLESSLY. I know that there are certain states of mind when some can’t tell the difference between reality and their own imagination, but then leave those out of this chance. There are a shitload of tests to tell if somebody realizes the reality or not, run those freakin tests, and allow those to die who pass them.

Why can’t doctors design and ALLOW a way to do this?

Why do they talk about ethics when it comes to euthanasia?

Why can only the terminally ill have euthanasia? Why mental illness does NOT count as a real illness?

Fuck ethics.

Is it ethic to let someone die who wants to live instead of not to let someone die who wants to die?
Is it ethic for someone to decide on another people’s life?
Is it ethic to make someone live a miserable life instead of making someone to live a desired life?

It pisses me off so badly.

I don’t want to live my life, I don’t want to live anymore, why can’t I go out of this life with dignity?

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General

I Give Up

by Teresa's Child
written by Teresa's Child

I’m broken. All this time I’ve fought, hoping somewhere deep in my heart that I would get a happily ever after. That somehow, if I did my best and achieved all my ideals, I would end up understood, loved, and strong.

No longer. It is time for me to accept reality. No matter what I do, my life will end wretchedly, alone, unloved. Never the hero, always the villain. Fine. But then I don’t care. I no longer care about anything. Live, die, break, form, none of that matters anymore.

I finally accept this reality. I am alone. There is no meaning to my life. My false ideals will drag me down into hell, and yet there is no way for me to change. Fine. I no longer have anything to lose, and I no longer have anything to gain. Diem is once again a deadman. And this time, he will stay that way.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsI Will Survive

I think I am done here for awhile

by v.c.333
written by v.c.333

Thank you all so much.  Even if we never commented towards each other, I have read all.  I will make it.  I have made it 30 years of depressed, I can make it a little longer for my family.  I am chronically ill and will probably only make it another  20-30 years.  I don’t want to come repeat life because I didn’t learn my lessons the first time.  Or end up in some purgatory with guides and counselors. (i have been reading NDEs).  Even if I just wink out, it is not fair to my daughter, she did not ask to be here either (as far as I know, who knows, we may choose life).  I can not leave her or my husband or my mom or my grandmother.  I can stay here for now and hopefully until I can go by a way other than my own hand.  I will try positive affirmations again.   They seemed to help.  My problem is not being able to stick with anything.  The gloom and sadness eventually takes over again, but I must try to go on.  I feel I must.  I wish the best for all of you.  Thank you for being here.  I may still pop in from time to time.

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General

im ready for the grey

by sadsadist
written by sadsadist

Once more into the fray

 

Into the last good fight I will ever know

 

Live and die on this day

 

Live and die on this day

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General

Too Afraid to Die Too Depressed to Live

by hiitsme0819
written by hiitsme0819

What a tangled web stuck in a loop of hating myself for not having a life and not having a life because im to depressed and socially awkward to even try

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General

To T, my love.

by anthropophobia
written by anthropophobia

You complete me, T

I want to fill your ass with semen in it’s entire T.

Yes you inspire me, perhaps it’s your sensuali T.

Yes, you will see, it’s your oppourtuni T,

I need to embrace thee. There is no shame in modes T,

I need to say what is true to me. You are the pinnacle of sexuali T.

I will be your tree, anchored with roots of stabili T.

Whether you are he or she, I will stay by you for eterni T.

I love you to the the 3rd degree, and all of your ecentrici T

So come let’s be free from the restraints of socie T

Live with me in ecstacy, embrace my love, and experience liber T.

I need your lifelong comapny, be with me T.

 

 

 

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General

Jumper Regrets…

by BeteBlonde
written by BeteBlonde

I had a strange and morbid fascination the other night concerning a documentary I watched a few years ago…called “The Bridge” and it chronicles suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s hard to watch; haunting; very sad. What really spoke to me was the story of Kevin Hines, who actually survived the jump. Once he leaped, he was suddenly struck with the realization that he wanted to LIVE and changed his mind mid-air. And that’s what really haunts me…what if once you pull the trigger, or hoist the rope or leap off…what if in that very moment you decide that you don’t want to die after all?? Will you be able to stop or come back? Even worse, what if you just do some serious permanent damage? I recall the story my paraplegic friend told me while he was in rehab; of a girl who didn’t want to live without the use of her legs and stuck a gun in her mouth. Only, she didn’t aim correctly and now she is a quadriplegic and unable to speak. Is the tragedy of life greater truly greater than the tragedy of the unknown?

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General

Some day I will be able to..

by falling_soup
written by falling_soup

Some day I will be able to:

  • Be free
  • Live on my own
  • Be who I want to be
  • Live far away from my mom
  • Be happy?

Let’s be real, I will never be happy. I can never be free because I am trapped to my mentally ill mother. I am all alone. My stomach is in knots and I can’t seem to stop the anxiety and the emotions that come with the thought of killing myself. I will never be able to “stomach” the situation that for the last 16 years I have been put through. My life is never going to change. I am trying to do the best I can but what really is the “best”? I never seem to be doing the right thing because everything I do is “wrong” and it isn’t the right answer. I haven’t really been myself or even happy for that matter. I am sorry that no one is able to “fix me”. I am never going to be who anyone wants me to be. I am always going to the piece of shit, lower then “worm sweat” (what ever the fuck that means) I am sad. no wait that would be an understatement. I have depression a sickness that will never be cured. I am giving up. I am a lost cause and I am afraid that I will never be able to be saved. Goodbye <3 XOX, Falling_Soup  I am d-o-n-e.

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GeneralI Will SurvivePoetry & ArtStories of Hope

100 Reasons to Live

by Ryder
written by Ryder

And here are 100 reasons to keep going.
A few might be similar to each other, but nothing’s perfect.

You should live:
1. Because you care about the world.
2. There’s a lot to live for.
3. You have dreams to fulfill.
4. Life eventually gets better.
5. You’re afraid of death.
6. Because you can flip your life around.
7. Because people need you to live.
8. Because someone out there loves you.
9. For religion.
10. To help someone worse off than you.
11. To find the perfect job or career.
12. To fall in love.
13. Because there’s a reason we’re on this planet.
14. You want to experience future music, movies, games, technology, cars, buildings etc…
15. You want to make an impact on the world.
16. Food, pleasure, and comfort.
17. To enjoy beauty and art.
18. To mature.
19. To learn more about people.
20. To earn money and rewards.
21. Vacations… To explore and travel the world.
22. To create something of value.
23. Because our bodies are designed, programmed, and hardwired to live.
24. To experience good and bad.
25. To finish the story.
26. To party and have as much fun you can.
27. Because you are responsible for people (and/or pets).
28. You have goals.
29. You enjoy being happy.
30. Because you love doing something (i.e. playing games, exercising, cooking)
31. To find your niche.
32. For your friends.
33. You don’t want to be a ghost yet.
34. Because opportunities are coming your way.
35. For moments that take your breath away.
36. You want to carry out your destiny. (Whatever it may be.)
37. There is someone you want to meet.
38. Because everyone else is living.
39. To share wisdom with a younger generation.
40. To strengthen and help others reach their potential.
41. Because.
42. To experience change.
43 To become a better individual.
44. To prepare for death.
45. Because you’re obligated to live.
46. To surmount an obstacle.
47. You want to do everything on your bucket list.
48. Because you’re supposed to leave your mark on the world.
49. The pleasure of success.
50. You love yourself.
51. You love your life. Even when things aren’t going well.
52. To see if there’ll be world peace.
53. To see how strong you are and how strong you can become.
54. Because life really is good.
55. It’s your duty as a human to live.
56. For thrill and adventure.
57. Because you’re too young to die.
58. For addictions. (The good kind I hope.)
59. To beat your rivals and those who ever doubted you. Show them who’s boss.
60. To make others laugh.
61. Maybe to get revenge on someone.
62. To finish collecting something.
63. Because there’s so much you haven’t done yet.
64. People are believing and counting on you.
65. That feeling after making someone else’s day.
66. For the little things (driving, getting some air, walks on the beach, grocery shopping, etc…)
67. To recover.
68. Because it’s not time to die yet.
69. You want to set an example.
70. Because no one else can breathe for you.
71. Because life is short.
72. To make more memories.
73. To prove your worth as an individual.
74. Because you want to enjoy and make the most of your life.
75. To serve your country.
76. To give love and hope.
77. Because you can!
78. To be better than you were yesterday.
79. Because there’s no one else like you in the world.
80. Because you belong here.
81. Because the world is your oyster.
82. Because your parents and guardians wanted you live.
83. To leave behind a legacy.
84. Because you want to figure out what life is all about.
85. You like a challenge.
86. Because you are unimaginably amazing.
87. Because you only get one life. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
88. You want to contribute to society.
89. To pursue happiness. And love.
90. Because you’re important.
91. For moments that make you laugh.
92. Because you have boundless potential.
93. You don’t need a reason to live.
94. To give what you owe to the world, a god, or an individual.
95. Why not live?
96. Because you’re someone people would look up to.
97. You’re supposed to live. That’s why you have a life.
98. Because you’re loved even when it seems like you’re not.
99. Because there’s no logical reason to kill yourself.
100. You don’t want to die.

  1. Because there’s always something or someone worth fighting for.

Feel free to share this, but don’t forget to mention me…

 

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General

I’m Too Depressed to Live.

by I Love You
written by I Love You

Yep. That’s about it.

I’ve gone through all four major stages of depression at least twice–some even three times.

I’ve been diagnosed with several types of severe depression.

And I’m done.

I’m just done.

Night.

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