Nov 5th, 2016

I didn’t know how and why it happen, we were fine before but without me realising he distances himself from me. I can’t even remember what we were arguing about sometimes because he wasn’t happy with whatever i do or say, he will say i am wrong, selfish, slut, ***** and i begged him to stay everytime. Even if it wasn’t my fault i just took the blame and this has been going on for 7 months, i missed him everyday wishing that he will see me as myself.

I made a mistake that he can’t seem to forgive me and he seeks revenge, he made me feel like i am a horrible human being and i deserve it. i broke his heart and i wished i can fix it ;(

We haven’t met for a month and within that month i’ve always asked for a meetup but he always gave excuses, we argued a lot too. I came to his place a couple of times and he didn’t want to see me even when he knows im waiting for him, on the 4th November 2016 i couldn’t hold it much longer. I can’t get a hold of myself i tried to locate where he was from his friends, and when he got to know he was so mad and flip out on me but still he didn’t want to see me. I cried everyday hoping for things to get better but nothing was ever gonna be better, it was almost a year.

On the 5th November 2016 i was on my kitchen window (i lived in a 12 storey apartment at level 6)  at 10am i wanted to end my life, my neighbour saw me and he called the cops. i was taken to the police station then a night at the mental hospital, that night all i could see was how i disappoint my mum, my sister and my step father. That moment i really wished i act sooner to just jump and end my life, now im trying to survive each day holding that guilt.