sunk

April 15th, 2018by vieve

help, the world is drowning me.

at least once a week I’m heavily reminded of how the men around me view me, and I can’t take it anymore

when I was in a different country with a different culture I was so happy–no one made degrading sexualized comments in professional settings, no one used their friendship with me to get access to my body, the one time a stranger grabbed my ass at a bar he was immediately kicked out by the bouncers.

when I was growing up I was told I could be so much more and I wanted it and I believed it;

I thought I could be a hero

or a doctor

or an engineer

or a marine biologist

or a veterinarian.

and I guess I can study those things and get those jobs, but in so many eyes I’ll only be a sex toy. or a *****.

 

it’s not even the rapes or sexual assaults that are breaking me. it’s the people who I thought I could trust showing their true views of me. it’s a friend I’ve known for years taking photos up my skirt and finding excuses to feel my chest and my ass. it’s another craning for a better view when I bend over and loudly “appreciating” the view. it’s my coworkers dismissing me with a comment about wanting to fuck me. it’s a new friend who refuses to speak with me when I don’t want to hookup with him. it’s a lab partner blowing me off because I’m not hot enough for him to spend time or energy on. the bad men are supposed to be few & easy to identify. but it’s been feeling like they’re everywhere. I can handle a few bad men, but I don’t know what to do when so many of them are treating me more like an object to enjoy or throw away than a person.

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