So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.
My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.
My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.
I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.
I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.
Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this on any being, but why me? As though I have not suffered enough.
I am now on constant medication. I’m only 25 and I want out. 25 is longer than I expected to live.
Today, I hear another celebrity has died from suicide. Everyone says it’s such a pity and sad. I am envious. I am envious of their freedom. Their freedom from pain and suffering.
I know I am ill both physically and mentally. I wish it could all stop. I wish I could be normal. I hope to someday be free
1 comment
Sup bro, im also 25. man aging sucks huh. I always thought that mental or physical illness is like a change, like a starting quest. I mean i was retarded till age 23, when i meat my mentor, that showed me to be open-minded and showed that being slower than everyone else is okay. But i also understand just how much it sucks to be like in a wheelchair or shit like that. Like no matter how much determination or willpower you have you just cant free your self and rise with crippled wings. And death seems like this magical exit from existence in to peace, but you dont want to stop existing, you want to live deep inside.