My deepest desire.

I failed again. This world is full of bleak dark expressions moving about the day. No one ever said living was easy, everything hurts. The sun, this fake smile, repeating over and over ‘tomorrow will be better, it has to’. I let my deepest desire take hold of me, I handed over the reins to that part of myself. The sweet words running thru my head on repeat like a lullaby. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. I never does! You’ll just sleep and never have to feel like this again. You need this, you want it. People will move on, the world won’t crumble for little old you.

Fine temptation do what you want I don’t care. That was the easy part, the rest not so much. I fell asleep, the world drifted away and I drifted into sweet oblivion only to awake several hours later. Dammit why are the dogs barking, my body wouldnt move. Still heavy from sleep? I don’t know, the world suddenly came crashing down on top of me. My head was fuzzy, every nerve was firing on all cylinders I could feel everything. The fog lifted, and the pain set in, my head erupted in anguish. What happened? I’m alive. Reality set in, my dog still barking but softer and at me. Hours had past and yet no one checked on me, my husband still upset at me over noting didn’t acknowledge when I stumbled down the stairs. He had no idea what could have happened, nor did he care, all I get ‘you gonna cook or be a little c**t all day?’

Living isn’t easy yet here I still am, one foot in the grave yet chained to this mortal coil waiting for my escape.