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Happy?

by Chanty

Happy. That’s a word I wish would visit me more often. As I sit here and write my “feelings” or whatever, I think about the “happy” moments of my life. You know, when life looked colorful and pretty.
What changed?
That’s something I would love to know.
I was never miserable. I was always smiling and I did what I was supposed to.
Maybe that’s where I went wrong, maybe I should’ve rebelled a little.
Maybe I should’ve experienced more things.
Maybe, then, I wouldn’t feel so wretched and miserable.
I keep thinking that I will run out of tears, but they just keep coming.
And you would think they would leave a warning? But they just show up out of nowhere ready to hurt me.
It would not bother me as much if I knew
why I felt so sad, then I could confront the problem
head on
But I have no idea what is bothering me,
All I know is that I feel this void in my chest
deeper then a dark hole that just eats at me until I am left just a pile of sobbing mess on the floor
wishing I could just disappear.
I hate my life.
I can’t anymore.
Where is my happiness?
I think it got lost on its way to me.

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2 comments

clipped-wings 7/19/2018 - 9:18 pm

Chanty,

You remind me of myself.

I have struggled with happiness for a long time. It just doesn’t want to come to me.

I find myself crying and I don’t know how I came to be so sad.

People say that they don’t feel anything. I think I feel too much. Maybe we can help each other.

Maybe?

Cause of Death: Suicide 7/19/2018 - 11:28 pm

Never felt it .. happiness

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