When I get those 30 minute periods once every two weeks or so where I feel normal, it feels so exhilarating just not to feel bad. “Why not end on a high note?”, my brain whispers to me.
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I just wish that my brain would allow me those 30mins without thinking about killing myself.
I constantly wonder, that if I were able to restart my life, what would I change?
And I always come to the conclusion that it is my predestined destiny to end in sadness be it suicide or pain.
But just hang on to those 30 minute periods and cling to them. Use them as hope. Like the ropes you can use to climb your crevasse.
All they do is make the crash back down hurt so much more lol. The contrast is painful. I’d almost rather not have them at all