I’ve been waiting to put this up for a long time, but wasn’t sure when I should…
Um… I might ramble a bit here, but please bear with me. ^^;
Um, a quick thing about my family, from some earlier posts…
I don’t know how frequent or severe incidents in my family are, especially compared to other people, but my family would definitely be considered one of those dysfunctional ones at times, and when things go wrong, it can get pretty ugly. I’m not sure if I can think of a specific example, but pretty much everyone has issues with anger, and a lot of yelling and sometimes even breaking or damaging things can get involved, and it’s even happened with my life now between my dad and stepmom…
Sometimes I feel like good is an illusion… I don’t know what normal or good is, if it even exists…
I suppose what I learned about it wasn’t entirely from fictitious things though, I think I might have learned your typical disciplinary things about being good, by society or religion, and what all that means, so I tried hard from there… and when I saw a lot of ugliness if not hypocricy and deceit over the years, it got a lot harder to be “normal”… especially when I kept getting diagnosed with things but no one else did despite all the abuse I’ve seen from people…
Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality, like a character that has them, a Jekyll and Hyde, Two-face, Lucy from Elfen Lied… Tyler Durden from Fight Club? I never got around to most of these, though I like Elfen Lied, but that’s beside the point. :p
The major difference of course is that I am conscious of these things, but it all just feels so… karmic to me… I want to be good to good people or like people who are nice to me or something but if a person hurts me I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do back and I don’t want to just… ignore it and take it, that’s stupid… I want them to get back at them so they don’t just get away with things…
Anyways, I played some of Rayman Legends. Not to ramble on that either, but I’ve played games my whole life and can be really good at them sometimes, beat the game and got 100 percent complete on 3 worlds on both sides, even some of the harder levels, it’s easy for me. :p I found the first a lot harder, at least back in the day… never grew up with 2 and 3 though.
It took a while to really feel like playing it, but it was nice when I did, guess I needed some dopamine or whatever, I knew that, but… it was still hard to get motivated, partly since it’s so… silly. :p Fun though.
Phew, anyways, on with the topic. ^^;
Topic (Understanding Criminals)
Hmm… forgot how to start this…
So, moral ambiguity…
Mmm… I’m not even sure why I looked up the things I did, but sometimes, I feel like certain infamous people when you learn more about them from a manifesto or something can actually have a lot of things I can understand.
Did they maybe overreact and their actions and words far outweigh anything they feel wronged by? Maybe… but I don’t think their entirely wrong either…
Some of them I think have proven it, or tried to from what they claim, and it kind of makes me mad…
I just… It’s hard to tell what the right thing is…
I mean, maybe I don’t know what it’s like for the victims though or relatives of the victims and if they even really “deserve it”, of there is such a thing…
So with that said, I’ll try to post as much context as I can with this stuff. :p
Oh yeah, um, well… maybe a lot of the way I feel is paranoia for things, whether it’s even really that bad, or bad at all… but I mean, after going through or even just seeing a lot of bad things in the world, it’s hard to find good things and believe in them…
A. Elliot Rodger
So like, Elliot Rodger… I actually didn’t know about this guy until I um… felt like looking up personal blogs about introversion or social anxiety and saw someone discussing it somehow, wherever that site was…
I didn’t even knew in his last days that he became a spree killer and then killed himself. ._.
And to be honest, as much as I feel bad for him, sometimes he also kind of scared me, or even disgusted by some of the things he’s said and done… and just looking at him kind of creeps me out. ._.
And yet, he talks so much about his personal life in so much detail, his loneliness and frustrations, I can understand it a lot… yet he’s also really self-entitled and believes that “fitting in” is the only way in life, rising to the top, and a big part of that is not being a virgin, or an “incel (involuntary celibate)”, which he was up to his 20’s. Dude is actually barely younger than me. o.O
Technically by zodiac signs, he’d be a Leo and a Sheep. I think Sheeps are daydreamers, and the chinese zodiac can technically be “long-term” personality, while astrology is “short-term”. I’m a Cancer whose supposedly all about family and home too. :p Leo I think is supposed to be charismatic or something too…
He’s also a lonely rich kid type, a real one. :p Traveled a lot, his parents got divorced, he never really liked his stepmom very much, lost all his friends and his last one was disturbed by his budding violent psychosis, etc…
So that’s basically him. :p Now for some of the stuff you can find about him, like his manifesto and youtube account (yes it still exists and it didn’t get removed, surprisingly… at least, not reuploads anyway.)
Oh yeah, I forgot that like, regardless on whether he was wronged, a lot of his hatred for the world was from pure envy alone, in which during his spree killing, I think he attacked a lot of people he didn’t even know for daring to have a better life than him…
Now as far as those motives and actions go, I don’t really understand that…
Elliot Rodger Manifesto
(My Twisted World)
“Humanity… All of my suffering has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women.
It has made me realize just how brutal and twisted humanity is as a species.
All I ever wanted was to fit in and live a happy life amongst humanity, but I was cast out and rejected,
forced to endure an existence of loneliness and insignificance, all because the females of the human species were incapable of seeing the value in me.”
“This is the story of how I, Elliot Rodger, came to be. This is the story of my entire life.
It is a dark story of sadness, anger, and hatred. It is a story of a war against cruel injustice.
In this magnificent story, I will disclose every single detail about my life,
every single significant experience that I have pulled from my superior memory,
as well as how those experiences have shaped my view of the world. This tragedy did not have to happen.
I didn’t want things to turn out this way, but humanity forced my hand, and this story will explain why.
My life didn’t start out dark and twisted. I started out as happy and blissful child,
living my life to the fullest in a world I thought was good and pure…”
Part 3 (The Last Period of Contentment)
(Ages: 9-13 (4th-8th Grade))
11 Years Old (6th Grade) (Page 28/141)
“I thought all of the cool kids were obnoxious jerks, but I tried as best as I could to hide my disgust and appear “cool” to them.
They were obnoxious jerks, and yet somehow it was these boys who all of the girls flocked to.
This showed me that the world was a brutal place, and human beings were nothing more than savage animals.
Everything my father taught me was proven wrong.
He raised me to be a polite, kind gentleman.
In a decent world, that would be ideal.
But the polite, kind gentleman doesn’t work in the real world.
The girls don’t flock to the gentleman.
They flock to the alpha male.
They flock to the boys who appear to have the most power and status.
And it was a ruthless struggle to reach such a height.”
Part 4 (Stuck in the Void)
(Ages: 13-17 (8th-12th Grade))
17 Years Old (12th Grade) (Page 56/141)
“One day I found some posts on the internet about teenagers having sex, and I was once again reminded of the life I had been denied.
I felt that no girl would ever want to have sex with me…
And I developed extreme feelings of envy, hatred, and anger towards anyone who has a sex life.
I saw them as the ENEMY.
I felt condemned to live a life of lonely celibacy while other boys were allowed to experience the pleasures of sex,
all because girls didn’t want me.
I felt inferior and undesirable.
This time, however, I just couldn’t stand by and accept such an injustice anymore.
I refused to continue hiding away from the world and forgetting about all the insults it dealt to me.”
“I began to have fantasies of becoming very powerful and stopping everyone from having sex.
I wanted to take their sex away from them, just like they took it away from me.
I saw sex as an evil and barbaric act, all because I was unable to have it.
This was the major turning point.
My anger made me stronger inside.
This was when I formed my ideas that sex should be outlawed.
It is the only way to make the world a fair and just place.
If I can’t have it, I will destroy it.
That’s the conclusion I came to, right then and there.”
“I spent more time studying the world, seeing the world for the horrible, unfair place it is.
I then had the revelation had the revelation that just because I was condemned to suffer a life of loneliness and rejection,
doesn’t mean I am insignificant.
I have an exceptionally high level of intelligence.
I see the world differnently than anyone else.
Because of all the injustices I went through and the worldview I developed because of them, I must be destined for greatness.
I must be destined to change the world, to shape it into an image that suits me!”
Part 5 (Hope and Hopelessness)
(Ages: 17-19 (12th Grade and Beyond))
18 Years Old (Page 65/141)
“Addison was once in the same position as I, but right when he succeeded in integrating with the popular kids,
he betrayed me and treated me the same way the popular kids treated me, as if I’m lowlife scum.
The world truly is a brutal place where a man must fight a bitter struggle against all other men to reach the top.
Humans are nothing more but vicious beasts in a jungle.”
B. Charles Manson
I actually don’t even know that much about Charles Manson and know him mainly from reading up on the Columbine Shooters for some reason, which I’m not even sure how much context I’ve gotten out of that yet, the Columbine Site is much bigger than it looks. :p
Anyways, either Eric or Dylan actually wrote about the guy, and then they mentioned something called ATWA… So I was like, what the hell is that?
Apparently, it stands “All The Way Alive” or “Air Trees Water Animals”, and he’s basically a die-hard naturalist. :p As for other stuff like if he has a cult and if they killed anyone or destroyed anything on his orders, like the whole Manson family thing, I don’t know that…
There’s actually people though trying to reactivate the ATWA movement but with more peaceful means then Charles probably would, almost like comparing Malcolm X to Martin Luther King, they both had the same goal and we know Martin was the peaceful one I think, but Malcolm was more resentful, right? :p I think, been forever since I learned anything about this…
Similar thing I guess…
Oh, and this is kind of random, but I think a bunch of random Charles Manson quotes was referenced in that weird freaking game, Sad Satan, which the uncensored version at least is considered illegal to play. :p I think the so called original uncensored version was just 4chan trolling though and I’m not sure if it still has the speech moments in the game like the original from ObscureHorrorCorner did, or whatever their name was…
Phew, with that said here’s the next person, Charles Manson. :p
“You can’t stop war, but you can redirect it. You can redirect it to the problem. The problem is pollution.”
“Crime is anything that’s done against your survival. Any sin that’s against your life is crime.
The law is the will of God, the law should be respected and taken as Gods’ will,
not something to be toyed and played with and used for bureaucratical hogwash of bull shit.
The problem is; the atmosphere is dying. Anything that sins against the air is a sin against your life.
Anybody that sins against the air should be considered a criminal, and any act that’s done against the air in any way at all should be considered a crime.
Crime is, a war against anything, any one, any shape or form that is a threat to your survival.
The World Order of the court in crime and punishment is – the air is god. Without the air we cannot survive.
Anything that’s made in the law should be against the criminals that are destroying your air. The air is all you’ve got.”
“The woman takes a spoonful of food, sticks it in the baby’s mouth and the baby would spit it out.
She’d pick it off his cheek and stick it back in his mouth and he’d spit it out.
I said “What are you doing, woman?” she said “I’m just feeding my baby.”
I said “That baby don’t want that in his mouth, he’s spitting it out!”.
She said “Oh, he’s just playing.”
I said “don’t put playing on the kid, he ain’t playing, he don’t want that in his mouth!”,
and I look at it and it said “Gerber’s Baby Food, lima beans and bacon”.
I said “this kid don’t like lima beans and bacon, try some of them prunes!”
He tried prunes and ate them right up!
And then the stuff he’d spit out she’d put to one side, and the stuff he’d eat she’d put on the other side.
And that baby wouldn’t eat no meat.
No one told him to be a vegetarian, he just didn’t want no meat in his mouth.
That’s pretty far out isn’t it? That’s one of the reasons why I quit eating meat.”
— Charles Manson, 2009 (17-18)
A war is not a holocaust; God’s war against man is a holocaust, not man’s war against man.
The reality of the holocaust is not in the movies.
The reality of the holocaust is with the dead fish that you see in the ocean.
It’s when you go and see where a forest used to be there’s a shopping mall.
Where a lake used to be, there’s a drive-in.
Where the freeway is, there used to be a creek and a river.
— Charles Manson, 2006 (14-15)
C. Columbine Shooters
(Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold)
I actually don’t have much info saved on these two I think, and from the sounds of it, their more just plain unsympathetic. :p I think… I’ve heard that they claim they’ve been wronged by society, but I’m not sure if I’ve seen much of that yet from what I’ve read so far. Out of the two, I think Eric was worse… his “You know what I hate?!” rants are pretty out there though. o.O
Either of the two or both, I think mainly Eric, was also really into Hitler and the Nazis and the idea of “natural selection”, which he enforced his own…
I might edit more context in the future, but for the most part, I already got the links to do the talking for me if anyone is interested in visiting them. :p
Yay, my epic post of epicness is finally posted! Phew!
Now on to play more games and/or watch youtube. :p
Oh yeah! I forgot to say um… This might be my last serious post unless I want to talk about personality tests and/or personality disorders, showing off what I might have and what their about and asking anyone about their own if that’s okay…
Maybe even talk a lot more about anime and games I like that are like, melancholic horror or something, possibly. :p
Otherwise, I might talk about more silly things as a coping mechanism, like laughter. ^^;
I like a lot of silly things, sometimes black comedy of all things, I don’t know why. :p I don’t really understand my sense of humor but I usually like things to be wholesome in general, I don’t like sitcoms and all the crudeness and stuff with sex…
Sex is confusing for me… I feel like I got a big sex drive, and a part of that has to do with how emotional I am, but a lot of it seems… corrupted to me… and people who seemingly enjoy more than just a hobby even just people who are fan of it on porn and hentai sites, all the people who comment, it all seems very awkward to me. o.O
And I like… masturbate once a day or every other day…
Sorry if that’s too much information. >_< I don't know what to say and I guess I'm rambling again, sorry. T_T
But yeah, I'm just going to bathe and then enjoy myself for today. :p
See you'll later.
ATWA is a great System Of A Down song. Also, apparently The Beatles’ White Album had a great influence on Charles Manson and the Manson murders.
Oh yeah, it’s also a song… I wonder if it’s good…
But no, more than anything, it’s a philosophical movement, which I tried to talk about.
Damn. you know i had bad social issues for a while. and those stopped me from being in a relationship or having sexual intimacy in my teens. and you know.. i grew up and figured out what i was doing wrong and worked to change. and then i got those things. amazing right? but i guess killing random people you envy is an option.
Is this a response to the Elliot Rodger part of my post?
Wow. These types of people are definitely my favorite. I like to call them “***** fags.” They think the world revolves around their genital pleasures. Y’know this guy could get sex easy. He just needs to find a loose whore. They are EVERYWHERE!!! At the end of this, I just feel bad for the guy. He is so twisted that while he is busy wasting his time on things that don’t matter, his anger and his selfishness, he could be on a dating site looking for a loose woman who would also like to have a hook-up. All you have to do is act courteous and send a few smileys. The woman would agree to meet and then he could do whatever he wanted to her with all his frustration, like I say, there are loose girls out there!! But at the same time, he doesn’t know that a woman is also capable of loving someone like him (although I, myself, would not understand, why he would want that so much to kill because he had yet to receive.) His well was not dry and it was probably set to be filled in a year or two, except he was twisted. What he doesn’t know is the woman is in his head and he already has her. All a woman would be to him at this stage in his life would be fantasy fulfilment. His mind is already powerful enough to do this for him. ***** Fags, make me laugh and I get a hoot out of them. The ones that whine whine whine because they can’t get a mate. Ah, it is not a big deal to get some or give some. That Is why they don’t do in public, that is what privacy is for. You find one single woman who will do it and she will do it over and over again and at the end of the day its all for naught and a waste of time. Take what you need when you need it. If you don’t need it then pass it along. NO NEED TO BE A ***** FAG. Settle down now children nothing to see here.
This must be a joke? Elliot Rodgers is real?
Nah, Elliot Rodger is just a mediocre anime villain.
Hooking up with someone doesn’t make a person loose. The guy would not be able to ” do whatever he wanted to her” because there’s still respect of boundaries and communication that should be happening. People aren’t objects to use or label, or just a body part.
I think there’s many people who can have trouble finding a mate, and yes that can cause angst. I doubt for them the physical aspect is the main appeal.
Sigh. I think the topic people of the post should’ve offed themselves before they brought harm to others.
I’m saying that experiencing a certain emotion doesn’t make a person one thing. If people hook up, fine their business. Getting demented because of feeling wronged isn’t ok.
What is up with some of you guy’s posts…?
It sounds like you’re just trolling and/or being really selective about your commentary, only talking about a chunk of the thing you like and ignoring everything else.
This is why I find myself so frustrated with people…
Anyways, I was wondering whether or not I shoukd apologize to xinabu or whoever if their even around or see my posts or if they just hate me.
… Though I’m pissed at all of you people for the girlfriend.
The idea of intimacy is quite literally my lifeline so critcism of that dream is probably worse than any other right now.
I’m thinking of maybe getting an okcupid account if I can hold on and not kill myself now.
But since having a job is the only adult thing I have…
Dude seriously how does my family seem to think I’m okay or things will work out for me?
Their so caught up in doing things for themselces I don’t think they even see these problems should maybe axtuallt be pretty clear…
Sigh… anyways, this is just tiring…
lol, haven’t seen someone so ungrateful here for a long while.
There’s just no self-awareness whatsoever.
I don’t think he’s completely devoid of self awareness.. just a bit touchy and a lot frustrated.
Of course we pick and choose what we comment on.. most people on here aren’t high energy.enough to note on every point. We pick what we can relate to or have something to say about. Some of those.things are self focused, or completely off topic. That’s normal here.
I can get why he’d be frustrated at a lack of understanding, especially after putting time into a post and opening himself up. I think he’s taking it to heart, though.. Don’t agree with his.. method of absorbing certain responses.
Sorta mashed comment.
The fuck, I’m the only one who has self-awareness here.
WD, take a chill pill, man.
Elliot Rodger was massively delusional. Not saying that he wasn’t mistreated or the fault was entirely his own, but if you react to that by trying to make everyone else as miserable as you are, and you see that as ‘justice’…that’s some weak ass thinking. Surely it’s better to acknowledge the cruelty of the world, and endeavor to soften it a little. There’s nothing to be gained by spreading the misery around. Doing so doesn’t make you any less insignificant.
Charles Manson sounds like he was full of shit. He might have been very charismatic in that, but he sounds like someone with no inner analyst – someone who takes their own first reaction to anything as gospel, without ever questioning it’s validity. Kind of like Donald Trump maybe. Again, it’s just weak thinking. You can seem incredibly convincing to others if you believe your own bullshit. But the results are usually terrible for everyone involved.
Environmentalism is a real issue that deserves support. But murdering celebrities does nothing to promote that. I think Manson was probably just using it to appeal to idealistic hippies.
You people just don’t understand what true despair is, I’ve probably felt even worse things tha all of you, that’s why you all don’t understand…
But I don’t need people anyway.
What is humanity? Why does it exist? Why does it continue to persevere like a plague? Humanity should just disappear…
I just want to sleep and have the world disappear with me…
If I just sleep…
Maybe what they did doesn’t exactly justify their actions but likr I said I don’t think their entirely wrong either, I just don’t most of you are willing to delve into moral ambiguity…
I mean, how do you react when people treat you like crap or see all this… political bs or whatever it is that messes up the world?
Wouldn’t you do anything to fix it no matter what if you could…?
I would. I would do anything to escape hell even if I had to make the world mine.
Seriously how can you people act like this with no shame?
No empathy whatsoever…
Except maybe freeroma but that’s it.
God damn it I’m so angry…
Self-awareness is seeing a problem and wsnting to fix it and that’s what I see!
So how am I not self-aware?
Being a comformist means you have no self-awareness.
I’m a non-conformist so how am I not self-aware?
See how that works?
Firstly, self-awareness is knowledge one possesses about yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. It’s how well you understand yourself.
But regardless of that, what is the problem you see and want to fix WanderingDreamer91?
He wants women to flock to him. He thinks he’s better than other guys that get girlfriends so they should definitely go to him instead. You know, almost as if he doesn’t realize he wants to treat the women as objects with no free will.
won’t get a girlfriend with that nauseating endless me me me me attitude.
Most others would look for a boyfriend or girlfriend but not this guy, he’s ‘too good’ to go and look for one.
Was there a message here? I missed it, whatever it was.
I kind of get it. I get the despair, the hatred, wanting the world to disappear so you don’t have to face it anymore. I empathize, really I do. But your line of reasoning is flawed, and it doesn’t lead anywhere good (as the examples you’ve highlighted show – people who’ve spread misery and terror before ending up dead or in prison.)
You do need people (even if you don’t know it.) No man is an island. We’re social creatures. Denial of that need will only drive you deeper into despair.
Humanity perseveres because people want to survive and have children. Maybe it would be better if they didn’t, but you’re not in a position to make that decision for anyone but yourself. You don’t get to have the world disappear with you, because the world is not about you.
The world is messed up beyond belief. All you can do is try and make yourself as resilient as you can to that fact, and endevour to make your small corner of it a little better. Lashing out does nothing to fix it. Trying to dominate others does nothing to fix it. You cannot murder your way to a better world, or to one where you’ll be safe. Trying to do so just makes the world a little more hellish for everyone left behind.
I hesitate to recommend this (take his political views with a pinch of salt), but you seem like you might be the ideal audience for Jordan Peterson’s work. Especially check out what he says about people like the Columbine shooters. Nothing good ever comes from that kind of thinking. Turn around and walk the other way.
Self-awareness is about being able to perceive yourself as you actually are and not merely how you believe you are.
Your behavior here and comments show that for whatever reason you do not accurately perceive how others see you which makes sense given your issues with sex and dating.
I am not insulting you. You will never grow until you recognize how you actually are and the best way to do that is to understand how others perceive you.
Or you can be like elliot and take your selfish anger out on those who can admit their flaws and work to change themselves for the better.
I don’t doubt that you want to change and would work to change, but change cant happen until you understand what the issue is and you do not.
you are a 27 year old man and you speak like a 12 year old girl. you interject yourself into serious conversations to offer your opinions and you do not see this.
you allow your frustrations to morph into envy. you seem extremely sheltered and sensitive. I am sorry sir but your parents wont take care of you forever.
will you change or will you go on a shooting spree? take a cold hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you flee the truth and invent stories to place the blame on others when others are not against you and are not being mean to you but telling you the truth of the world we ALL inhabit equally
I may have been a little too harsh there. i do apologize for the invective.
Harsh AgentQ, but pretty accurate I’m afraid.