How fierce must be the hurricanes

“How fierce must be the hurricanes that blow through the mind of a man that seeks solace from the muzzle of a pistol”, is how Balzac quite eloquently put the mindset behind blowing your head off, it’s as true today as it was when those words were written in 1830. The hurricanes that blow through my mind can be pacified only by substance use, namely pot and Ambien, under the influence of those substances is the only time I can think staight, the sensation of a clear head has become a long forgotten memory, what is it like to be able to think clearly? Plot your next move? I don’t know anymore, why continue? I feel the end coming. If I had a convenient method like the aforementioned pistol, I would have checked out long ago.