Am I selfish.?

  October 7th, 2018 by Virus.Found

I can not get over it, that things will never be fair. I’m too sensitive about everything. I’m in chronic pain and Doctors could never help me. Or maybe I think I just couldn’t help myself. For 9 years I’m into this Depression and it just got worse. It started early in school, that I realized that something was not right. About me and the tiring reality to go to school everyday. Other Kids seemed so careless. I came too late everyday. It started with 5 Minutes, then 10, then 30 and sometimes I missed the first period. I think I must be a broken machine. I don’t agree on getting up to a specific time each day and work/go to school for many hours. What’s wrong with me.? I’ve tried to be more responsible but every problem crashing into me (I can’ get specific in this post, or It’ll be too long) just made that impossible. I try to shove the “probable laziness” on my aching body. But truth is: I’m in so much pain. And people that aren’t sick, can not imagine the extend of it. Others expect me to go to work, but how, if the simplest thing, to wake up and dress myself is already a drag. Am I broken to not “being able” to work.? I’ve tried a few things but at the end of the day I was so much unhappier and in higher probability to harm myself, than when I stayed at home. Society has made us believe, that we have no worth, when we can’t provide for money. Is that all we are.? Am I selfish to not being able to help my family.?

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