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a.n. b.n.

by undoubtedly

when you see this, you see guilt.

you see a number. a number on a box, a number on a wrapper, a number on a measuring tape, a number on the scale.

you see failure. you see weeks of starving going down the drain.

you see weakness.

you do not see this for what it is.

you do not see it as a necessity.

you don’t see this apple, this sandwich, this meal, as what it is.

this apple, this sandwich, this meal-

life support.

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anonymousie 11/10/2018 - 3:18 pm

i’m assuming this is about an eating disorder. i relate. i wish i could help you. but maybe my experience can help you a little. i’ve never been diagnosed, but i starve myself. the longest i’ve went was one week on a liquid fast. i started looking sick and i loved it. people got worried about me and it made me happy. but i got scared so i stopped. for a while. then i relapsed. then i met my boyfriend and i didn’t want him to know i had a problem because it would give him another excuse to leave me. so i was doing good for about a year. now i don’t give a shit. i don’t eat more than i have to . i eat to survive. not for fun. not that i really care if i survive. i don’t even know why i eat at all. i want to look like i’m on death row. i want to be on death row. i really hope this doesn’t trigger you. i hope you seek help. but i know it’s easier to give advice than to actually take it. i wouldn’t even wish this on someone i hated. eating disorders are no joke. it’s not glamorous.

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