I don’t get it.
Here I am, years later just wondering how on Earth I once felt on top of the world only to find myself back here once again. Why is it that no matter how many times I change for the better, be it my friendships, my relationships, even my career goals; I still end up here…
I surpassed the date I thought I wouldn’t be here (It was merely a few months ago), but I didn’t feel as though I really accomplished anything. I didn’t register it which is most definitely a positive thing yet somehow I recently have found myself in such an empty head space. I know what I want in life and I’m even working on that but my idea of the future is so messed up as I just lack the general motivation to even try some days.
I know I’ve gotten better.
I can see it around me. I see it in the way I carry myself and I can see it in the way I behave.
Why am I still here if I didn’t feel the same. What is wrong with me?
I’m trying so hard but nothing is actually happening.
I feel so stuck! As if I’m finally allowing myself to feel things once again after 5years?? I’ve managed to keep it under lock and key and now that I think about it, I realise I just haven’t allowed myself to truly feel anything all these years.
I just. I just need something.