20 years…. 20 years have passed now since the day I discovered you hanging down from the ceiling. A rope around your neck, your eyes staring into the void, your cold and pale skin. Even though I tried to forget, you got back to me, every single time…. That rainy and cold day in November…. when you decided to leave us forever burned into my memory, scaring my mind and my sanity. But I can’t blame you, Dad, for doing what you have done… As I got older I started to understand the reasons which made you choose death over life. And now, as a 28-year old woman, I find myself asking the same question which you might have asked 20 years ago… People say that desparing of life is human….But why do people see the decision to end their own lives as improper. Isn’t that decision a part of the despair which we see as human? I feel so lost, Dad… and so tired of being human….
2 comments
Hey. I read this, and you really are hurting; I can tell. Not just on the surface. I would say so many things, but I know that words for this situation are worn; sayings dull and annoying, so I’ll only say this: you are clearly yearning to be a good person, a good human being, and suffer for what your life has been, and just being human. If you want to talk to me, I’d love to email and just be there for you whenever you need to let things out. I’ll never judge or attempt to be rude, but just listen and give feedback or encouragement if asked for it. Please, even if you are hesitant to email me, just give it a shot. Norahorphzinger@gmail.com is my address. Hope you have a good day!
That image must be very haunting especially for an 8 year old, so sorry that it still stays with you till this day 🙁